The Dinner Tab Debacle of 2013

Last week, my friend Glenn asked what I’d done the night before via email. “Well, you’re not going to believe what happened,” I started.

“Yes, I am,” he replied. “It’s you.”

I sent the following email to Glenn in an effort to shed light on the previous night’s event. It is important to note that A) I had already been on two dates with my little holiday fling and this had never taken place before. B) He lives in Russia and the possibility I will never see him again is high. C) I am Latin, and sometimes this makes things a little tricky when you're also a feminist. D) My dog had been vomiting all day and I was stressed and then I had to take him to the vet to shell out a few hundred dollars in hopes we could figure out what was wrong with him.

We didn't.
Now for that email:

Glennie Pooh:

So… He changed his flight to be able to see me. That’s one. Two! When I got home, my dog was sick. He’d thrown up all over my bed (5 times), and multiple times on the floor and couch. Blood everywhere. Had to wash everything and dry it. Then clean my room and couch and all the other places he’d vomited. Anyway I had plans to see him around 6:00 p.m. and I had to push it back all the way to 9:30 p.m. He’d already slept over a couple of times before he left on that ten day cruise, so we agreed to go to dinner and then back to my place, then I’d take him to the airport this morning. He’s been between Miami and the cruise and Orlando vacationing here with friends for about a month (fuckin’ rich kids). The point is!

We go to dinner, right? And he’s telling me how they spent like two grand each on the cruise and how he couldn’t believe it and blah blah blah. Dinner’s swell (that word is so ridiculous but yes, I use it), and then it’s time to go home. I’m so tired by this point I cannot even begin to think about having to drive him to the airport the next day before work (mind you, I’m kind of sick, so I’m grumpy as hell). When the bill comes, this CHILD asks me if we can split it. Now… I know you’re an American progressive male and you may think this is ok, but to a Cuban woman of thirty (me), this most certainly isn’t. Especially when he has lots of money and just spent a gazillion dollars partying it up on a ship somewhere in the Atlantic. I told him, “Yes, I did mind,” then I went to the bathroom to do a bit of Woooosaaaaaaaaaaaah breathing exercises because I felt like slapping his beautiful porcelain face.

I came back with a little pasted-on smile and he paid for dinner and we left. Then… I promptly drove on, but instead of to my house, I dropped him back off at his hotel. This poor child was freaking out. Like, “Oh my God why are you being like this and I’m so sorry and this isn’t such a big deal and in my country people do this all the time and yada yada.” I’m all, “Please just take your bags out of my car,” to which he refuses because he’s so flustered as he’s trying to get me to accept his apology. So in the middle of this wind storm I packed all his bags out while my dress is blowing in the wind and my underwear is probably showing and was all, “It was nice to meet you,” leaving him there at his hotel door.

On the upside, at least my poor animal hasn’t thrown up anymore. $360 dollars worth of vet bills later… I get home and I have about ten messages from this kid apologizing and it got me thinking… Did I overreact? Because in spite of everything, I don’t think I did.

Glenn’s Reply:

A few things…

1. This is why I never want to have fucking animals!

2. I didn't know you two already had a.... "relationship" before last night’s date.

3. You are correct that as an American male, as a progressive male, as a FEMINIST male, I do not believe in the man treating the woman to dinner as a default option. However, I am also a class warrior and if he has a lot of discretionary income he's spending and he's on vacation, it's not unreasonable to think he is going to pay. SECOND HOWEVER, you, as a modern woman (Cuban or not) should have laid this out to him if it was such a big deal.

4. Was it an overreaction? Who the fuck cares! You don't know this guy. You will (probably) never see him again. AND he's a twenty-two year old child while you are a GROWN ass woman.

5. You’re going to be single forever.


Gia said...

Lollll #5 wasn't nice or helpful, methinks.

Jeff Evans said...

Personally, as an olf fashioned Southern genteleman I *always* pay, unless the woman offers. It's just what I think is expected of me, and I haven't had any complaints. Well, no complaints about *that*. I hope your dog is feeling better.

Mynx said...

A lifetime ago, I dated a guy who was in his early twenties and I was older. I didn't mind paying my way as he was poor, but I got pretty tired of paying for all the extras too (parking, entry tickets etc)
If he wants to split the bill, perhaps he shold have mentioned it before you got to dinner.

Hope your puppy is ok now

Tazer Warrior Princess said...

1. Dogs are assholes. This one time, my dog ate like 5 pounds of rice and decided to vom all over everything, always. It was disgusting.

2. Child. Yup.

3. Boys are dumb.

Little redhead said...

More than often guys will at least attempt to pay the bill for you. Although nowadays young guys will assume you're going to split, feminism and all that. But seeing he's so rich and that he probably was aware of the fact that you weren't, he should have at least offered. That being said, yea you did overreact a little. I'm sure he didn't mean to be rude or insulting, rich Russians tend to hang our with other rich Russians, so splitting is probably a natural thing. He clearly felt really bad, your reaction was a tad on the dramatic side, and as far as it can get of feminism.
Then again, your friend is right, he lives in Russia and is barely a grown-up, it was never going to work out anyway. So not really a huge loss. But perhaps a lesson for the future when a more suitable man wanders by, to think twice before you leave people at the side of a road for something that should be easily resolved by a just talking to each other and calming down.
Glad your dog is doing better though, not pleasant when they're sick like that and you don't know why, especially if it's blood.

Constar said...

poor PUPPY!! :(

its weird cuz ive always been the type to be all "i dont need no man i can pay for myself, open my own damn doors" maybe its the ital in me though because if the guy im on a date with doesnt open the door or pay for the meal..... i know he wont be getting the nookie.

Annah said...

Gia: Glenn is a bit HONEST sometimes. That's what I love about him.

Jeff: He is doing much better, thank heavens. My wallet, not so much.

Mynx: I think we've ALL been there.

Tazer: Dogs *are* assholes. But I totally think they're the types of assholes worth loving. Mikey, is a jerk and bites all my friends. BUT I still would stab someone for him and apparently, pay $360 of my rent monies to save him. OH, LIFE.

Little redhead: I think that you're right. After he left to Russia I was like... Maaaaybe I was a bit overboard. At the moment though, I was a woman on a crazy mission (I don't think I could've stopped myself even if I wanted to). Hugs, doll.

Constar: Ha ha. Double edge sword.

Anonymous said...

Didn't he know how your transactions work since he was a repeat customer?
I guess they have different rules for whores in his country.

Anonymous said...

You were superwoman for even making the dinner with all the stress of a sick pet. He should have paid even to make you feel better.

Anonymous said...

I think you found a creative way to get out of something you really didn't want to do, which was drive him to the airport in the morning! Ha! :)


steph gas said...

hmm, this is hard. first, he's got the money and is on vacation. i would have assumed he was paying too. if you had offered to split it, that's one thing. second, you were driving him to the airport at the ass crack of dawn the next morning. i think a nice dinner out is the least he could offer for driving him to the airport. third, men are assholes.

on his side, he's a kid and might not have known better. plus, he's russian. i mean, really annah. don't they do nothing but drink vodka and hide from snowdrifts? (right? isn't that russia?) and at least he just paid up and shut up.

did you overreact by dumping him back at his hotel room? maybe a teensy bit. but honestly when you factor in the shitty day you had, the fact that you'd never see him again, and the fact that he was being a baby - who the hell cares? if he was relationship potential, that probably would have been an overreaction. but for a boy toy from russia? no.

Yvonne said...

I swear you and I are like sisers from another mister. Over the weekend I met up with a "friend" who I happen to have sex with. Well, he asked me to pay for the hotel room where we were staying for the day, and then, AFTER we had our little rendezvous, he asked me to borrow $225!!!! First - no I didn't pay for the room. He did. Second-wtf? seriously? He's a lawyer for god sakes! He makes bank. Three-WTF??????

Yes I'm still pissed. Yes I feel like an idiot. No I didn't lend him any money. He actually told me I was getting hysterical over nothing. That it was not a big deal. ---We've known each other since we were kids but just recently reconnected. He's 11 years younger than me. ----I told him to go fuck himself and drove home alone.

Kindred spirits are we?

Yvonne said...

ps- hope your doggie is feeling better!

Rebekah Mae said...

Eww. I always assume that either we'll split the check or if the other person paid last time then its my turn. But if you're going to sit there and talk about all the money you're throwing around then hell yeah you can pick up the check. Shiiiiiit. lol

T. Roger Thomas said...

#5 is a little harsh

Laura said...

The women who date him in the future should send you flowers. You taught that young boy an important lesson.

R.Scott said...

Ugh. BOTH those guys are jerks. You did the right thing. I'm glad your pooch is better! That is BY FAR the most important thing.

Christy said...

Ehhhhhhhhhh I never heard about this!!

Anonymous said...

What can a 30 year old woman expect from a 22year old kid?Sex. Vise versa?experience & a free meal!Just an old friends perspective...~Al~

Bitch Hedberg said...

If he's talking about being an overnight guest at your house, sex or no, he should be picking up the dinner tab.