Today is my friend Janet's birthday and I tried to find a birthday card for her in my house after leaving work late and cleaning some vomit I spotted on the living room floor but instead just found like fifty Christmas cards.
On that note, at least I got her some kick ass earrings that I stuffed inside the card once this whole thing was over because really who the fuck wraps gifts anymore and I sort of hope she's not reading this because I'm late to her party.
-------I was sitting in my office last week when my co-worker Glenn walks in and casually says, "Dude, when are you doing your nails? You look like a little boy."
So maybe it's true that once political season started I chopped off my nails because typing is really hard and being beautiful is painful and seriously not pragmatic so I said Fuck that noise and I'm going to sport these tiny little nails until the election!
Yesterday I sent Glenn a message that I figured would make him happy.
Me: What do you think of the cat nail trend? (picture attached)
Me: Really? I think it's kinda sexy. I'm getting it tonight.
Him: We said not until the election. You can't type with those shits. It's called cat nails because THEY ARE NOT HUMAN.
Me: Meaow? :::: In a dejected kitty sort of way ::::: You suck.
Him: Just think after the election you can get your cat nails and this too:
Today I texted him.
I'd like to point out that although not practical, my cat nails are great for clawing someone's face off whenever I'm PMS'ing and drinking Monster energy drink. Also for scraping dried dog poop off the floor when you run out of plastic knives but I'm not speaking from personal experience or anything.