Holy Shitballs, Serial Stalker!

While on vacation in Houston, Olivia met a super hottie named Tony the night before going back home. Some time around five in the morning a group of us went back to the hotel to continue the debauchery somewhere in our room or lobby or wherever they allowed noise and the unlimited flowage of vodkaseltzers.

I'd met a guy that night who wasn’t too excited about taking Olivia and this strange dude in his car, but finally agreed after some coaxing on my part, also known as purring-in-his-ear-and-empty-promises-of-great-things-to-come. When we finally stuffed ourselves in Jason’s Charger, seven of us were on the way to continue the fiesta. Upon arriving to the Westin, Olivia simply told Tony that it was great to meet him and kissed him on the cheek. She then proceeded to get out of the car and leave us all there with our mouths wide open as we wondered, What the fuck are we supposed to do with this fool now?

After Jason dropped off Tony at a friend’s house and returned to us, the virtual stalking commenced. Before reading the following, you should note that:

• Olivia had just met Tony that very night.
• We have no idea what “hhh” means but have deduced it’s “ha ha ha” or “lol?”
• You have to read this in a middle eastern accent because Tony is from Israel and his English not so good.
• Olivia is really glad she didn't give him her name on "the Facebook."

After she finally got Verizon to block his calls, Olivia was in the middle of downloading an app for blocking texts when she received this very last message from Tony.

"Ohhhhhh Gooooohhhhddd."

And huf, Tony. Those are my sentiments exactly. Hhh.