Thursday

Yeehaw, Bitches.

My homie Ryan says that all you have to do in order to add emphasis to anything you're trying to articulate in life is to add the word "bitches" right after.

"I just quit my job, bitches!"

"I lost ten pounds, bitches." (I wish).

"I'm breaking up with you, bitches!" <-- Maybe that one doesn't quite work because it kind of sounds like I'm some sort of lesbian polygamist but you get my drift.
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My friend Britt says to me the other day, "Why aren't you writing anymore?"

Me: What do you mean?

Britt: You used to write about stupid shit all the time and it was funny and interesting. Now it's like, one post every six months when you have something philosophical to say. You're like, overthinking it, dude.
Me: I don't know. :::::Sad face:::::: I think I lost my mojo.

Britt: Don't give me that shit. I see you every day and your mojo is intact. Just fucking write! About anything. About how you picked your booger in a political meeting. About how you missed Bill Clinton's speech because you got your period in the parking lot and had to run to a bathroom. About how you haven't had sex in six months and wet dreams are as common as brushing your hair.
Me: So you mean, just write?

Britt: Yeah. Just write.

Me: Ok. I can do that. Just write!
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Here's a picture of my feet.
I was sitting on my couch this morning waiting for my mother to take me to the airport and figured, what better time to "just write" than now?

So I bought those shoes online which I rarely ever do and regretted it as soon as I tried them on. They're made by Beyonce's House of Dereon and it was sort of lust at first sight when I laid eyes upon them that fateful Thursday. I thought, I could so wear a pair of shoes that high and look fierce like Beyonce.

Um. No.

It's like walking a rope on stilts while under the influence of horse tranquilizers.

This post is kind of all over the place and so........ My friend met a guy on Twitter a few months back and suddenly decided she wanted to see him up-close-and-personal (brilliant idea, I assure you). The dude lives in Houston and I thought it would be fun to tag along and drink margaritas while she and Twitterati boinked for the extended weekend. It turns out Twitterati has a girlfriend who lives with him and my friend's plans have gone to the shitter but seeing we already booked our hotel and plane tickets, off to Houston it is.

I don't really know much about H-Town, per se... Only that there's honky tonk bars and lots of Asian people. I like country. And I also like Asians and BBQ food. So there's that.

If you happen to have any suggestions about Houston or live there and want to drink with me, leave me a comment. I haven't had intercourse in almost six months so in an effort to "just write" and be honest I'm kind of hoping some lost soul feels sorry for me and wants to fornicate.

This of course doesn't apply to people who read my blog. That would be hell'a weird.

Back next week, bitches.

14 comments:

Amber said...

This blog is still the shit, bitches.

Wow. I can see how that works.

Sweet.

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

Never been to Houston, but let me know how it goes.

Now Vegas, if you were going to Vegas, a party would be thrown in your honor.

...bitches. (am I doing it right?)

in bed with married women said...

Maybe the direct approach? "Who wants to fornicate, bitches?"

good luck girlie.

xoxo
jill

Annah said...

Amber... Muah!

Brandon, absolutely, bitches.

Jill... I May just listen to your advice, but I'm shy in real life.

chemgirljaime S said...

glad you're back.... i know that "lost your mojo" feeling... I've been feeling it myself.

Yvonne said...

Mujer! Come see me! I still have your email addy, so I'll send you my number. Oh and? Honky Tonk and Asians? Where do you get this stuff from? bahahahah I mean, I'll take you to that part of town if you want, but um, you're on your own sister! Don't wanna get shot at! -i kid, i kid.

Seriously, would love to finally meet you!

Jeff Evans said...

Snort. Good luck in Houston, Gorgeous. I'm sure there are at least one or two horny Texans out there.

Althea said...

Glad you're back bitches :P x

Migz said...

Yeah, who the hell would ever meet someone through Twitter. No good can come from that.

Rebekah Mae said...

Haha those shoes are HOT! I have a similar pair, and they have a 2'' platform in the foot and then another...5 1/2'' or maybe 6'' in the heel. They're ridonculous and I love them. I wore them to an event in my small redneck town..yah.. I'm 5'7

You do the math.

I was like a black girl amazon in a sea of short white people. I was taller than most of the men there. It was so embarrassing.

Allison Brown said...

Okay, this is better. I was wondering what was up! I could have (and should have) told you....I used to come here and find a giggle romp every few days...it was a real disappointment not to. I'm glad you found your blogging self again, annah!

A. said...

ugh ugh! I saw two people getting married who met at twitter 0_O

not exactly "Saint" Michael said...

Dude... this is an awesome post. Just write, bitches. I like it. I like your shoe pic. Not in that creepy shoe fetish way, in that normal I'd bone you kinda way. Not anywhere near houston though... and I read your blog so... no boning for us. Good luck getting laid bitches! Ha, I like this bitches thing, bitches!

Annah said...

Rebekah: You were a glamazon, gurl. WERK!

Allison: I promise that despite working HARD as all hell on my book, I will be blogging more normal up-my-alley stuff.

A: I honestly think this happens more than people would like to admit. These Twitter loves/hook-ups.

Saint Michael: You're sweet. Thank you. And those shoes are the shit, bitches! (But painful as all hell).