It's A Small World, After All...

Sometimes I pray for blog material and it never shows up. Other times, God throws me a bone of such magnanimous proportions, I'd be the world's biggest idiot if I didn't share.

It's important to note that if you're my friend and have a boyfriend, you'll likely think this post is about you. My advice? Don't fret.

Paranoia is usually unfounded and you're boyfriend is a saint.

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Last November

Right around the time the holiday season began last year and the temperatures cooled five degrees, I culminated a seven month celibacy period I began right after a particularly hard break-up. Some of you have been reading RMG long enough to remember, some have not.

I think of my time of sexless torment with fondness. After all, it was a time of introspection. A time of self-discovery. A time of meaningful growth. Also, a time of too much drinking 'til oblivion came to lie with me.

After that beautiful thing called "celibacy break" took place in late October, I was ready to go out to actually meet and talk to men. On one of those nights, there he was. Looks wise, he was definitely my type. I could sit here and explain what said type is, but then the cat would be out of the bag much sooner than it should (and even I'm not that much of a bitch).

That night he met a few of my friends, including #1 and #2 (names would just mess everything up). For the next few weeks we talked on the phone almost every night and went for drinks on one occasion. He said he worked late shifts and I wasn't thinking of marrying the guy, so his whereabouts didn't concern me as much as he thought they should.

One evening, I was out with friends for a birthday dinner, when he sent a text asking where I was. I replied and soon after he inquired what I'd be doing after. Once I arrived at my final destination, I had a chance to reply to his last text.

"I'm here at Cigar Bar with some friends," I quickly responsed, then put away my phone.

I don't know why he thought this was appropriate, but half an hour later, there he was.

I know I wrote about this at the time so I won't re-enact our conversation outside the bar word-for-word. All I know is that I asked him to leave and he was extremely offended. He didn't understand why showing up uninvited to a place where I was with people he never met was weird. I nicely told him to leave and he just kept hugging me without a reply. Finally he conceded, but not before asking for a kiss. The answer to that was, "No."

We never spoke again.

Months Later...

It's the weekend and we're headed to a friend's place. #1 isn't able to make it due to a family engagement, but #2 is there as my necessary evil co-pilot. As soon as we arrive to the dinner party, I realize it's one of a very intimate nature and immediately deem it boring. Three guys are sitting at the dinner table, while their girlfriends are in the kitchen preparing the feast.

I carelessly stroll inside and say hello to the guys first, planting the customary Miami kiss-on-the cheek and introducing them to #2. I then go to the kitchen to greet the girls and make myself useful.

During dinner, #2 has a funny little smile and keeps kicking me under the table. I figure she's drunk and kick her back, although I'm inwardly pondering if she wants to play footsies with me. One of the guys looks familiar but I can't really pinpoint where I know him from, so I quickly assume it's from a previous outing and enjoy my turkey meal. I notice him looking at me from time to time and smile politely, the fact he's attractive isn't lost on me.

That night, as we're heading out of there and high tailing it to a place not filled with couples, #2 turns to me with that same smile from before and says, "Small world, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion.

She sighs deeply and examines me with her big brown eyes, finally exclaiming, "You honestly have no idea, do you?"

Oh. My. God.

It's him.

My friend Nadia's been dating this creepster for a year and I simply just sat and broke bread with him while he possibly fought off a heart attack the moment I walked in. The boyfriend I've probably met before but simply don't remember. The boyfriend who tried to cheat on her with me but I turned away that fateful night outside a cigar bar without a second thought.

"How did you not recognize him, you weirdo?" She interrupts my thoughts. "Actually, don't even answer that. Your selective memory never fails to amuse me."

"Holy shit, this is so ridiculous. I-, I can't believe this."

She laughs while slowly shaking her head at me reproachfully. "Only you, buddy. Only you..." Then her eyes open wide and I already know what she's going to say before she utters a single word. "Oh please, please, please say you're blogging about this."

"Absolutely not," I reply.

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Then later I changed my mind.