I hate this post so much I'm going to burn it with fire and spread the ashes over someone's sandwich when the time is right. I hate me for making you read this and will probably beat myself with a hamburger patty once I'm done but I just can't make this right since I'm on Percocet/Vicodin.
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On Tuesday night I found a perfect home for the chow chow I rescued ten days back. I was so happy I think I burst a blood vessel in my right eye from joy but then I find this big-eared harlot on Wednesday.
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I wanted to say something else here but I'm practically drooling on my keyboard at this point. I think after we went to a club called The Big Kahuna or Big Cojones and I danced like a video vixen on speed because I hadn't been for a while (two weeks). One of my new friends is dancing with a girl whose ass is bigger than my car and tiger crawls across the floor as her signature dance move.(I literally just spent five minutes trying to figure out how to spell signature)
Anyway, here's a picture of my friend and the tiger floor crawling butt girl.
We got home at five and ate Colombian hot dogs that set my diet back about ten years. The next day I woke up and couldn't get out of bed because my back felt like the Incredible Hulk had gotten into a fist fight with it. Killing me is an understatement. It's possible I'm too old for gettin' down like I used to but I suspect it's just premature arthritis.
Broken back and all I and put up a million fliers for Gloria Estefan (that's what we named the last dog) and lo' and behold her owner called me crying like a big fat baby that same night. After giving putting her in his car I scolded him like a school boy under the rain and I didn't give a fuuuuuuuuh.
Then I stayed home and woke up on Sunday to spend all day on the couch being wild by eating popcorn and watching tv when my roommate proclaims she's having a scary movie night and I flee the scene because scary movies scare me. (what a concept). That night I drove to Lola's house to watch True Blood but no one was there so I let myself in and put happy juice in the only cup I could find and plopped down on their couch.
Now it's Monday and I decided to listen to Katie and take some drugs for my back pain and here I am, a loopy drooling mess. I hate this post already but it took me three hours to write so now I will hit 'publish' and proceed to lose fifty followers but it's okay because nothing matters right now and apparently that's the beauty of drugs.
35 comments:
nice try but you havent scared me off yet!! Bwa ha ha!!
Thank you. I heart you.
Hilarious, everyone loves a drugged up whore.
Except for people who have self-respect, a sense of decency or a brain.
y'know if you really were a whore you'd be getting some pretty frickin awesome advertising from 'anonymous' about your services!!! lol
hope your backs better soon! altho theres nothin like the randomness of a painkiller post ha :)
I'm in love with dog #2!
Beat...yourself... with a hamburger patty. I'm in awe. You win the randomest phrase of the day award!
I didn't enjoy this post at all!!!!
then I took a few pills
and it totally made sense. Nice job!
ironically i am attempting to right my own over due blog post & watching these losers on intervention suck crystal meth out of balloons.so the IM ON DRUGS caught my eye but you haven tlost me as a reader or a boss for that matter lol
Drunk munchies always freakin ruin diets.
I wish there was a rule that if you don't remember eating it, it shouldn't count.
haha I told you you'll be "loopy!" Also, isn't "loopy" the greatest word, EVER (when you're on narcotics).
-you forgot to mention that your diet must paying off because 21 year olds are trying to fuck you ;)
drugged/drunk/fucked up blog posts are always the best.
I especially enjoyed the idea of cremating your blog and spreading the ashes on a sandwich. So freaking classy.
Fresh Out of Gold Stars
Everyone loves a drugged up whore? I guess that includes you anonymous who continues to grace us with your undying devotion to Annah post after post...
@ twinkie - i think it may be called unrequited love... Poor anon. He's having feelings he's never felt before and hair in places he never thought he would.
@ anon - Welcome to the world of grown ups precious x
I can feel your pain. I've had back trouble for years. Hope you get to feeling better soon, Gorgeous!
Your blog on vicodin is like my brain 24-7, so it spoke to me, and I laughed (and cried). Glad Gloria found her owner. Great post.
Hope your Tuesday brings you more joy... lay off the drugs though... getting famous that way is the WRONG way.
Feel better soon sweetie, and this post is better than a whole heap of mine. Perhaps I need more drugs in my life
I think this qualifies as the blogging equivalent of 'courage under fire', you know, doing your duty even though wounded. Well done, soldierette (trooperita?).
Consider this a virtual medal.
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Love your blog, even thru the meds haven't kicked in yet.
Take care of the back. I've been through a back injury, and they're no fun. Just remember not to mix flexeril, vicodin, ibuprofen, and scotch. It's best to ditch the ibuprofen in that equation. Not that I know...
Murgatroid: She was the sweetest dog ever. Even if she was scared out of her wits. Poor thing.
Tazer: Hamburger parties are great for cooking, beating people, and anti-inflammatory purposes.
Veritas: Thank God! :)
Janet: Hahahha. Should've gone for it!
Out of Gold Stars: I'm a classy broad, what can I say. Sandwiches are delicious too!
Heidi: I'm glad someone understood me. Swear I was in front of the computer for hours trying to make sense of it all. It was terrible.
Ang: It was all Katie's fault I swear! :)
Jackie: Thanks, baby cakes. My back still hurts like hell today. Signs of the age... Oi.
Ouch! My back went on me a few weeks ago and it sucked big time—like big, hairy monkey balls sucked.
I didn't get any good drugs though. But I did use copious amount of tiger balm (which not helps your back but helps one with feeling old).
Hope your back gets better quick!
back pain makes having a drug induced blog post forgivable.. even if it wasn't awesome.. which it was, btw.
Hey, you write a pretty good blog for being all messed up. I live on Vicodin and now I'm so used to it, I don't get that feeling anymore but it still helps the pain. I'm glad you yelled at the owners of that dog. Damn dopes. You're the bestest. Hope you feel better soon!
Someone should do something about all of those lost dogs you keep finding, although, I suspect you are actually taking them from the yards of poorly managed home owners to provide them a "good" home. Then again, I tend to read too much into these things.
Who would throw rocks at a dog?! That's so horrible!
Speaking of scary movies, my boyfriend talked me into watching one with him about a week ago. I couldn't sleep for 2 nights. It was pathetic. THAT's why I don't watch them. Ever.
Someone should throw rocks at Anonymous. That would kill two birds with one stone. OMG - HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!
Wait, am I on drugs? No, I am on 'studying for the CA Insurance test that is so effing boring that I WISH I were on drugs.'
Children are horrible.
What is a tiger crawl dance move? That's a really dim photo, I can't see anything.
True Blood + Twilight is like matter + anti-matter - you might have imploded the universe. You need to be more careful!
PS - test is tomorrow - cheat sheet/study guide = 27 PAGES! Someone needs to learn the definition of 'sheet'
I would have thrown rocks at those kids- serious. I threw a rock at a kid at the park once who hit my kid with a freaking boulder. No kidding. His mom flipped out when he went home crying but I told her to shove the rocks up her ass and get her kid in line. I'm the bad ass mom at the park- kids usually leave when we come. :)
Chemgirl: If only I knew where this back pain is *coming* from. I think that's killing me more than the actual pain itself.
Atypical Scott: Oh, no! You figured me out.
Boppie: Good luck on the test, honey! Also, I hadn't even thought about it that night but you're right. Twilight and True Blood are polar opposites. Even if that Stephenie Meyer lady stole absolutely every idea from the True Blood series.
Sara: I seriously need you around, you crazy person.
I am so proud of you my young protege. Keep up all your good work with los perros. You make me smile largely.
I'm so glad you rescue those dogs. It makes me smile to know there are people out there caring like that :) Hope you feel better!
Using drugs for pain?!(what a concept)
Holy crap - where do you live? The lost dog epicenter of the world? You are a very good woman and I hope your poor tired and sore back feels better soon. Mmmmmwwwahh.
On a day like that... I feel like pointing out that you must be heading towards famousity despite everything - I'm reading and laughing with you from Denmark at least! ;)
ahhh drugs, mans best friend lol
I wish someone would just friggin clone you already. I'd order three of you. Big hugs from Norway :)
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