House Parties Are Awesome. As Long As It's Not Your House. Or Mine.

Here's what happens when you promise your roommate you'll throw her a birthday party and then wake up the next day still intoxicated from said shenanigans.

• Write a serious post about important life decisions while naked on your bed, music blaring from your ipod and a beer to kill the mouse fizzing noisily on your nightstand. (Sidenote: Kill the mouse -or "Matar el raton"- is a Cuban saying that means, "Ericate the hangover." I have no idea where it came from, but that's what it's called.)
• Go outside to your living room and suddenly remember why you haven't had a party in over half a year. Broken glass, empty beer bottles, pieces of cake, pairs of shoes, and someone's hat casually lie about your living quarters, causing the already massive headache you had to double in magnitude and scream, "Ha ha, moron."
• Throw on some clothes and pump up the music, meanwhile your roommate lies in a pool of vomit in bed, possibly hating you for being so chirpy as she nurses the mother of all hangovers and swears never to take another shot for "as long as she lives."
• Slap on some gloves in an effort to save your manicure from further damage, and proceed to spend the next two hours picking up bottles and napkins and cake and cigarette butts and wait, Is that a piece of poop? Oh no, it's just the end of someone's cigar.
• Put on a brave face when your father calls to remind you that it's family day, and he's expecting you over in less than half an hour and Could you please get some fresh tomatoes for the salad?

Ay, caramba.

• Spend five hours with the parental units. Bless their hearts for understanding you're still wearing last night's dress and look like a hooker who hasn't bathed in a month.
• Get home to find these pictures on your camera.




• Sleep for twelve hours and miss True Blood's new episode.
• Have vivid sex dream between you and one of the main vampires.
• Wake up and go to work. Weep internally at the fact you're not rich and have to listen to "Wah wah wah, mumbo jumbo, mumbo jumbo," at a meeting held too early to be deemed legal.
• Come home to the stench of dry beer emanating from your tiled floor and couch. Brace yourself for a night of cleaning.
• Spend three long and smelly hours scrubbing every surface of your place.
• Realize you were supposed to write a long post, filled with greatness and other famosity inducing stuff but instead you have nothing.
• Watch last night's episode of True Blood.
• Write cop-out post, and hope your readers are still fans.
• Get in bed and pray for another one of those vampire dreams.
• Inhale deeply.

Wow... It smells really good up in here.

Like Clorox. And vanilla cake.