Day 5 of constipation and I'm beginning to think if I don't unleash the toilet fury soon I'm going to have to go to the doctor.
The good news? I'll be five pounds lighter once it's out.
Optimism is one of life's necessary evil, guys.
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37 comments:
I love me a lady that talks about their poos. Or lack of. And not in an I-want-to-nuzzle-your-lady-taco type love. Just to be clear.
I will pray to the bowel jesus to unleash it's fury as soon as possible. I wouldn't wish the constipation on anyone.
Except maybe your Anonymous hater. I hope he/she gets constipated with a swarm of angry killer bees.
Ducolax. take three of them. You will shit. It will be ugly, but it beats going to the doctor to have them scrap it out.
I hope for your sake you can go soon.
You never fail to make me laugh. Sorry it has to be at the expense of your colon :D
Just keep up the positive thinking. Hopefully you release the toilet fury soon.
(just what everyone wants - poo advice from an internet stranger) Have you tried shooting a couple tablespoons of olive oil? Or any other oil,I suppose. I just use olive, myself. I'm sorry I'm just trying to help.
You know I just thought about this, you could just eat dinner at KFC and in two hours like clockwork you will shit your pants.
I was going to suggest Denny's. Oh, or that Chinese I had right before I went to the airport in Albany. Or that Indian place in Lake George.
Any of them will do, really.
You're full of shit, whore.
if you have a krsytals around you or a white castle.... yummy yet cleansing LOL...
:)
Good luck! At this point that's all I can say about it . . .
Over-the-counter stool softener might help.
eat tons of fruit!!!
Holy crap! You're full of shit! (I'll bet someone already said that. Damn.)
2 liters of fruit juice will do the trick.
A day of nothing but prunes, prune juice and all bran. Sure to leave you with cramps that make you feel like your guts are turning inside out and that's probably because they will be but only because they will be expelling shit by the ton. Then you'll be back to normal pooping :)
I am an expert on this topic because of some of the daily meds I take. Activia yogurt works if you have one a day, but for quick relief (and 5 days is really bad for your bowels) you want some powdered magnesium citrate. It's extremely sour, but dissolve a double dose in some lemonade or orange juice and it's bearable. The cramps may be painful, but the relief is worth it.
Aren't there White Castles where you live? White Castle is the answer to any question involving poop. Always and forever.
hahahahaha...what I wouldn't give for one day of that. I have IBS so I can't stay out of bathrooms.
Now the mom in me is coming out. First take some Ducolax, then get some glycerin suppositories and USE them, so you literally don't tear yourself a new one when the time finally comes- and it will.
Try a bowl half full of applesauce, and half full of pear sauce...And stay close to the bathroom. It might work fast.
FLEET.
It's wet and wild and totally awful.
I took the Ducolax this morning and ah yeah.... After ten minutes of pushing it came out. I feel like a new mother or something. Proud and light as a feather.
Also, there are no White Castles around here :( it's terrible. Thanks for all the help, you guys!
Dude... what happened that it's been 5 days? I got like 5 times a day! Are you getting enough fiber?
Aside from everything mentioned above, which I'm sure will work, I find coffee usually does the trick-specifically Starbucks.
Good luck, chica. I wish you and your colon well.
Anonymous is starting to make me smile in that aw-look-at-the-turtle-trying-to-cross-the-road-on-front-of-me kind of way. You ever runover a turtle? It's really icky.
Sorry, back to your poooop. What I know for SURE is: you'll poop eventually. And when you do, it'll be BETTER than the best combination of cosmos and martinis and sex and empanadas. You'll probably even get answers to several of the universe's questions. Here's to your future best.bowel.movement.EVAH!
So sorry you had the difficulty Annah but glad to know that you finally got some relief. I really love prunes and try to keep some handy to snack on and I stay pretty regular all the time.
Well the spice girls are pretty shitty so you are on the right track.... um... may I suggest some salad tongs.... might help?
FYI, I was taking a huge shit while reading this.
Poor thing! Hope it works out for you soon, and that you learn from this experience and like... drink more water? Does that work? It has to work. At least sometimes?
Oh, and I hope you get by it without red faces and grunts. That's the worst.
Oh, you've already gotten through it. Congrats, and.. don't go getting any "baby" blues now!
5 days. ouch. how much weight did you lose?
A daily dose of benefiber can help eliminate (ha ha, I said "eliminate") further backups from occurring.
I'm glad you finally pooped. I bet your pants fit better now. =)
its post like this that make me mad youre not famous yet.
Eat some Taco Bell. That usually makes me run to the toliet.
Love this!
These drawings are hilariousssss! Absolutely love them! I'm sure by now, constipation is not an issue lol.
the cure-all, some taco bell bean burritos and that will cleanse your colon lol
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