Blob Blog: Part V

If you give a hoot then you probably thought I gave up on this thing altogether but I’ll have you know that no siree, I have not.

I haven’t written in the past two weeks because my trip to Dallas set me back about five pounds. What with all the Mexican food and Thai noodles and giant margaritas by the pool and bottles of wine inhaled, it’s a wonder I didn’t revert back to weighing 200 pounds. Nevertheless I’ve been somewhat good on this torture mechanism we call a diet and I’m back to normal, also known as square one, also known as a gazillion pounds away from my goal.

At any rate and moving right along… I joined a gym a few weeks back, and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the fact that putting aside $32.09 from my already limited monthly budget to join a gym I’ll never go to was a good idea.

Back when I was skinny by Cuban standards and looked like this:

I used to go to the gym four times a week.

In those days it seemed reasonable for me to hop on a treadmill for an hour and listen to music as I mentally jotted my grocery list and plotted the death of my boyfriend neighbor. But the only constant in life is change as they say, and it seems I no longer find it enjoyable to get on the equivalent of a hamster wheel to walk at a steady rate of 2.7 (that’s really slow, by the way). I would rather have the inside of my eyelids tattoed than go to the gym but alas! I must go.

Now, it’s important to note that when searching for a gym everyone has certain criteria to be met. Most women would say a clean facility, plenty of hot guys in attendance, little to no waiting time for machines, friendly staff, juice bar, and blah blah blah. My checklist below defines my personal criteria, and I’m happy to say Latin American Chubby Ladies fits the profile just fine. 

• Walking distance from the bachelorette pad.
• Old and stinky personal trainers to soothe my already wavering self-esteem.
• Ratio of overweight to fit people: 10/1 (so I can feel awesome about myself).
• Closed on Sundays (who works out on Sundays?!).
• Near McDonald’s and Wendy’s (more on the importance of this later).

The worst part about this whole gym situation? I discovered after joining and signing a three year contract that I much prefer dance classes and they don't offer those there so I'm screwed.