Me: The who?
Kimmie: The NFL- nevermind... Look who I'm talking to.
Me: Is this about football?
Kimmie: Yeah, it's this thing that-
Me: Please don't. I've told you a hundred times the only men in tights I care about are ballet dancers, even if they're all gay.
Kimmie: Fine, but you don't know what you're missing.
I've had countless boyfriends try to explain the sport to me over the years, and even girlfriend enthusiasts such as Britt and Sosi, who live and breathe football and tweet about it incessantly.
A few months ago, I went on a date to a football watching party (I can't believe those even exist) and this is exactly how it played out.
Me: What are those white lines?
Date: Those are the yard lines.
Me: What are yards?
Date: It's just the divisions to measure the entire field.
Me: And what are those yellow signs that read "1st down" or "2nd down."
Date: Well, the offense has four downs to advance at least 10 yards. It's kind of like, the chances they have to make the touchdown and score.
Me: And how do they paint those yellow "down" signs so quickly on the field?
Gives me a look that says You're the dumbest being alive.
My friend Carlos: Little midgets come bursting through the field in go carts and paint them real quick. They're pros at that shit.
Me: Pretty cool!
Carlos: No, Annah. They're just computer generated for the people watching at home.
Me: But they look so real.
Complete silence.
Me: What is that pitchfork looking thing?
Date: That's just a goal post. You can score three points by kicking the ball in between the post.
Me: And what's the point of that?
35 comments:
Foooootballll?
Oh yeah, that's the thing that causes my brother to burst an aneurysm every weekend from now until January. We have a retainer on a bed in the emergency room for him.
Aw, you don't like football. * UNFOLLOW *
Nah, I get it. It's not for everyone. I absolutely love it, but could care that The Mrs. is sometimey about watching it. As long as she doesn't bother me while I'm doing so, then we're good. That's all we men care about: you can hate football, but respect my watching it. :)
Goofy whore
LOL
Gurl thats why you need to stick to your people (the cubans,dominicans etc)
- stick to baseball you know how it works - very easy
HIT THE BALL, RUN IN A CIRCLE, MAKE IT ALL WAY AROUND - RUN/POINT - SIMPLE
get a hot dog & a beer and there ya go ;)
I'm so happy that I married the only man alive that doesn't care at all about sports. 'Corse he goes on and on about politics not sure that's better.
It's even worse when you see a game in-person. There are no yellow midget-lines and you can't understand the black and white striped guys, because of the echo. At least there's beer.
I laughed so hard... Because I'm exactly the same and have made most of those questions before. High five! xD
I like your friend Carlos' explanation better. It makes sense to me! lol Hey, do me a favor, check out my latest post and give me your opinion. Thanks!
I love this post, because you are now exactly like my girlfriend.
Except, she didn't have a 3rd nipple on her inner thigh. But now you don't, so YAAAY!
Honestly, I don't mind that she doesn't like football. I enjoy the sport, and if she doesn't, that's ok.
But, you know what? When she wears that tight, cute Panthers jersey I bought her, it doesn't matter if she likes the sport or not. People can't stop drooling over her. Because of the attention... yes. She likes football. :D
Yeah, I can sympathize. I don't give a crap about football, it bores me to tears. My husband isn't all that into it either. He just watches what he calls "the big games" and then leaves sports alone for the most part.
I wish there were midgets painting the signs. That would make the sport so much more interesting! :)
Football is a dumb sport. Now, baseball, on the other hand...
LOL.
[Careful, Anonymous, you're getting mellow. Now she's only a 'goofy' whore? That way lies damnation, I tell you! Next thing you know, you'll be thinking she's an adorable whore, and God will be revoking your halo.]
Wow, good thing we don't have american football here, I'm having a hard enough time understanding soccer, and that's not very straight forward either. All I know is they need to get the ball in the net. So boring though, don't know what all the excitement is about :D
I am a guy and I hate football. I DO understand the rules, though. And football parties have been around forever, haven't they? That being said, I do NOT understand why a guy would take a woman he just met to a football party. WTF is up with that. Although you would definitely be involved in a WYSIWYG, because presumably this is what your life would be like if you were to continue to date him, have a relationship with him and then get married - life with a recliner.
Relationship counseling รก la La-Z-Boy.
that is all.
I love football, but I'm that way about basketball. What's a foul? It seems to be anything a player the referee doesn't like does. Plus, three seconds left and the team that's down by ten calls timeout. What are they going to do? Hope to hit a three-pointer and get fouled so they can shoot seven free throws? Gah. Sorry. I hate basketball. Love football. Hate basketball. And just woke up so I'm rambling.
I vaguely understand football, but I find it incredibly boring. I stay away from it as best I can!
LOL - so... I bet you're pretty excited to read my blog come football season (which starts in August)... ??
Don't worry Football is only in the title, I really only blog about going to games and the events around the game - not the game itself :)
the good thing about football is that you can have beer in hand any time of day as long as there is a game on lol. btw whre can i score me one of those fancy "tosheebah's"? lmao
Q: You break my heart, pretend unfollowing me. Sad face... But seriously I think football season's just a great time for some mani/pedis and shopping with the girls. I look hot and everyone wins.
D4: High five! And oh so glad I'm not the only one. All the girls at this party seemed to understand everything perfectly. Or at least were doing a good job at pretending.
Honna: Hot dog and beer. Hmmmmm. Cuando nos vamos para Santo Domingo de nuevo?!
Boppie: Head baseball is awesome in real life. Making it a point to go to at least one Marlins' game this year.
Little redhead: All the excitement is about all those hot guys running around on the field. *meaow*!
Shane: Maybe he was trying to figure out from the get go whether or not I was in (meaning, liked football and understood it). Just as well I say. I don't give a crap about it and I'm not changing my mind for anyone!
J. Franklin: I actually like basketball. It's easy to follow and I know when to cheer and it's fun. How could you not like it?
MJ: Thank you! That's what I thought.
Ang: I actually laughed when I saw the name of your blog.
Rommel: Tosheebah's are a rare brand of televisions and are only sold at specific Hialeah discount stores. LMAO
I'll forgive you for your lack of football knowledge, it's OK. Nobody's perfect. ;)
My sports Achilles' heel is basketball. The only basketball I will watch is the Harlem Globetrotters. True story.
I ask so many questions during football games my husband won't watch them at home. It's a win-win. I don't have to watch football, he doesn't have to listen to me.
I <3 Angie because she is a NYG fan & tweets about it!!! Girl after my own heart! GO BIG BLUE!!
Anyway, football can be complicated and it takes a little time and dedication to fully understand...my recommendation is buy a jersey/tshirt/some sort of paraphernalia...go to someones game day party and drink beer, eat wings and just get excited when everyone else does.
ps - anonymous, no idea how this post deserves a goofy whore comment. totally off base as per usual. perhaps someone should punt you over the goal post for an extra point.
When guys talk spots my eyes kind of glaze over. What a shame considering I live in Boston where pretty much every dude I meet is a "wicked Sox fan"
Football party watching date is no good in my book.
I'm the same way when it comes to tennis or hocky. Just don't get what all the excitement is all about.
Danger Boy: Thanks for the forgiveness. HUGS.
Mama Mistake: That was your plan all along, wasn't it? hehe.
Pretty Young Thing: Angie is a huge sports fan! I don't know how she does it. And I like your plan.
Ginny: Hmmm heard those Boston boys are hot!
Odie: I think we all have that *one* sport. I'm honestly just not a sporty type of girl. What can you do? I like figure ice skating. Does that count?
Mama says....Fooseball is the devil ;)
Can't stand that shit either
xo
Haha At least you're honest about your dislike for football and not understanding it. I like watching football but I honestly don't really know what's going on. But I pretend that I do. Which makes the boys happy, unless I'm cheering for the opposite team.
I don't have a clue as to how American football works except you run around with a hat on, bash into people and throw this funny ball to people wearing the same shirt as you. I think. Don't ever ask me to explain Australian Rules Football then. The rules in that are even crazier and I can't follow them, even though I love the game. Hrmph, go figure..
AHahahaha!!
That was a lot of fun to read!! :)
You know what?
If you don't like football, you just don't.
When I used to live in NY I tried to understand it too...
But I soon gave up.
Who cars about huge men running after a ball anyway'!?!
Im still learning about hockey, dont confuse me with another of your sports lol.
I dont even know about our code except the guys are buff, hot and wear short shorts...
Candice: I love how you referenced Waterboy.
Rebekah: Hahahahhahahahha.
Dan: Australian football? Oiiiiii.
Mominrome: Not me!
Mynx: Hockey is lots of fun live. Teeth flying everywhere.
Being a dude who honestly doesn't give a SHIT about pro sports is a constant challenge. When I lived in Montreal people would ALWAYS try to talk hockey with me. Now I'm in Boston and they have a team for every sport ever. They have like 8 million teams.
"Can you believe they traded FLARBDERGRABBNER?"
I don't know what sport, team, league or player that is.
For more about surviving sports talk when you ABSOLUTELY DON'T GIVE A FUCK:
http://highway10revisited.blogspot.com/2010/03/sporting-chance-to-complain-about-stuff.html
I'm so grateful my husband doesn't give a damn about sports because watching them on tv bores me to tears. I'll admit I do like watching soccer, though, but that's prolly because I used to play in high school. It's strange having to explain soccer to my husband. I'm like, aren't you people supposed to already come programmed for this stuff?
Haha, that's fucking great.
It's really not that hard to learn though, Annah. You just have to actually care about learning, which is why most women don't know shit about football. It's not that complex of a sport. If you want to learn, you will. You're a smart one.
Awe, sugar.
I had a similar display a a rugby match (live) (i.e. without instant replay capabilities) and never heard form that bloke again either.
Little did he know I was faking it (I actually LOVE rugby) because I found his company insufferable.
*shrug*
- B x
One of my friends is from Turkey, so naturally there isn't American Football there. I spent my entire Thanksgiving explaining the game to her in terms that she'd understand and she still didn't get it. So don't feel bad, you're not alone. :)
Ava
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