A Social Kick To The Face

Lately, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that surprise, surprise: I'm not famous yet. I have my moments with this whole I-want-a-book-agent-to-discover-me-hence-I-have-a-blog thing and they range from high to low and everywhere in between.

I went through a period of mild depression in March when this magazine was supposed to publish an interview of me and instead laid off the reporter who wrote it and cut it from its printing schedule. I thought for a brief second it was God's way of telling me I really need to forget about all this and that maybe my parents are right and my destiny lies in a nine-to-five job that brings security and ever-lasting misery.

Then, for reasons I cannot understand and will not argue against, that nagging voice that sweetly purrs in my ear and says "You're-wasting-your-fucking-time-and-could-be-using-it-to-do-something-truly-productive, asshole!" went away.

That day, I decided I needed to be more proactive in my quest for the pursuit of famosity and joined a pinging site and a backlinking community and handed out cards on the street for my blog and also made a sex tape with a Miami Dolphin football player in efforts of shameless self-promotion.

(Just kidding about that last one but damn it life would be way easier if I didn't have morals!)

Then a friend told me about certain companies you can pay to garner more "fans" to your Facebook page, therefore bringing more readers in to the humble blog that is mine. I went ahead and did my reseach and was excited to pay them $79.00 for "one thousand new and real Facebook fans." Here's a letter I wrote to them after services rendered.

Dear Social Kik:

I would like to start this letter by saying, you're all a bunch of assholes. Now that that's out the way, I wanted to thank you for all my new robot friends and their subsequent African Facebook buddies. I'm on to you...

Also, really?

Fuck you kindly, Social Kik.

p.s. Why are so many of my "fans" also fans of this person whom I initially thought was Kim Kardashian but now realize is a famous drag queen?

Speechless,
Annah