(Pete is her ex-husband)
Me: And what did you say?
Kimmie: "I have no idea, Pete. I'm trying to sleep, damn it!"
Me: What did he reply?
Kimmie: Something about me being so far away and him having to take care of the kids on the weekend the world is gonna to end.
Me: Well if it's going to end you're all going to be dead. How is he going to have to take care of the kids?
Kimmie: I have no fucking clue, Annah. All I can think is *This is why I'm divorced.*
After finishing our conversation, I immediately had to text this information to my friend Miguel, who's been tirelessly harassing me about this whole "Rapture" situation, trying to scare me into having some sort of end-of-the-world sex with him or something.
Me: So Kimmie just said Pete texted her, chastising her about being on vacation and him having to be with the kids while the world ends tomorrow.
Miguel: Well it won't necessarily *end* tomorrow, it'll just be the beginning of the whole process. Apparently it really ends October 21st. It's like a five month rapture period or something.
Me: What does that even mean?
Miguel: Well, it takes a while to organize the billions of people on earth. They have to see who's saved and who gets left behind for the devil.
Me: I see...
Miguel: Then there are the people who are on the fence and it isn't really clear whether they're saved or not so I'm assuming this is going to be a logistical nightmare for Jesus. Also, there's the unborn babies who haven't done anything wrong but haven't been baptized so technically, they're sinners as well.
Me: Please say you're joking.
Miguel: What I want to know, is if during this whole thing we'll be able to go about our days or we have to just sit at home and wait 'cuz there'll be fires and crazy shit outside.
Me: Oh my God, shut up!
Miguel: I also think about people like Buddhists and Hare Krishnas who never do anything to anyone and probably have fewer sins than pretty much all of us. If they've lived nice quiet lives where they've helped others and don't go around judging people, why should they get left behind?
Me: Seems like you've given a lot of thought to this, my friend.
Miguel: Yeah, well... When you haven't laid in a while your mind tends to wander to some weird ass places.
25 comments:
All of this is because of some guy doing math...
Harold Camping has warned that the Rapture would come on May 21st 2011 for years, and end nears, many are left questioning if his Prophecy is fake. The Bible has taught Christians to always be ready for the Second Coming of Jesus at any time, sparking Judgement Day predictions throughout history. Even Harold Camping had a previous prediction of the Return of Jesus for the Rapture that was incorrect due to a mathematical error – when his September 1994 date came and went without incident. What makes him so sure that this year, this date of May 21 2011, will in fact be the date of the Rapture?
The number 5 equals “atonement”, the number 10 equals “completeness”, and the number 17 equals “heaven”.
Christ hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year), the result is 722,449.
The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
51 + 722,449 = 722,500.
(5 × 10 × 17)2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)2 also equals 722,500.
Thus, Camping concludes that 5 × 10 × 17 is telling us a “story from the time Christ made payment for our sins until we’re completely saved.”
...yeah... makes TOTAL sense.
But hey, if he's right, daddy's getting himself a newly-available BMW in a few hours...
Love the nails, btw. The way I figure it, whether this rapture thing happens or not I'll still be here this time tomorrow. And so will just about everybody I give a shit about. Good one, as always, Gorgeous!
Love your nails & you don't have to worry about all the garbage that hsa been screwing up so many peoples heads. Have an awesome rest of the weekend Sweetie.
Imagine if the Rapture is not controlled by the Christian god, but some other god like Zeus or Visnu or someone. Crap! Worshipped wrong god.
In the meantime, end of the world sex isn't such a bad idea, I say.
jill
Forget that rapture stuff -what about those awesome nails!!!? LOVE them!
"trying to scare me into having some sort of end-of-the-world sex with him or something" you say that as if it takes that much effort to convince you to have sex with someone, whore.
Hope you enjoy your eternity of suffering in the bowels of Hell with the rest of the sinners.
Wait, what does sin have to do with the coming of a prehistoric dinosaur-bird-thing? I clearly missed something.
Happy rapture!
The only detail I find odd there is that we don't get to join up for the devil, we're supposed to just cease to exist because Jesus will slaughter the Devil or something. I read this somewhere and it's definitely a credible source because.. yeah...
Cough.
So theologically wrong... nobody knows when the end is going to happen anyways...
the "rapture" isn't even necessarily true...
no scriptural evidence...
You're right. He has been giving it a lot of thought. I've never read it explained so logically.
BTW, my sister does nails. She recently posted some pics on FB - includes one she did with the Blackberry logo. Don't know how they do it.
Love the nails. I think they look awesome.
"Logistical nightmare for Jesus" -- I love it!
Thanks for the smile.
LOL, I'm not worried - and if I was given the choice I really don't want to sit on a cloud and play a harp all day.
The other place sounds way more fun.
Lost in Idaho's comment made my head hurt...and I love math.
Your nails rock my socks :)
Happy Raptor Rapture!!
Probably not going to die soon (but possible), yet it is unavoidable. The only question is when and how.
Fun thought for the day.
Happy rapture to you too! Jeebus be with you!
According to my wise relative, no one except for God himself is suppose to know when the end will come. So take that Harold Camping!
In the meantime, live every day to the fullest: eat lots of cupcakes, drink lots of vodka, and enjoy lots of wild, crazy sex with a hot person you love (yes, that is a big FU to anonymous) ; )
The Ranter’s Box
omg i have a bb too i am so addicted to it add me on bbm!<3 xxxxx
Oh My!!!
THANK YOU for posting this!
I'm glad I found your blog and will be back!
Steve
Common Cents
http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com
Too much press about the non-existent end of the world, not enough about those awesome nails! Did you get them done or do them yourself? How? They're beautiful!
Girls: The nails are by Sally Hansen. They are basically stickers made out of nail polish that you put on your nails and then peel the top off. The commercial claims it takes five minutes to apply but it took me about 35. It's a process to really get the sticker to flatten and look like a regular manicure but it is SO worth it. I love them. Bonus? I've had them on for ten days and they still lok perfect. I do a lot of cleaning because of my dogs and not one nail has peeled. The only down side I'd say is they're not as shiny as a regular manicure would be. I tried to put clear nail coat on top but that didn't work. Oh well... Nothing's perfect.
This is going to be logistical nightmare for Jesus.
OMG. Can I be friends with Miguel?? That is freaking awesome.
Young one never fear. You're on the right track. When I was your age I too broke a tooth. However, vodka and Soma tablets taken together (seemed like a good idea at the time) were totally the reason.
Just in case though, always keep some Chiclets in your purse in case of emergency. One of them will work in a pinch as long as you don't smile too broadly.
One of my friends told me he was going to start a blog and every time he got the Rapture wrong, he was going to post that it was a typo. I think it's absolutely hilarious what everyone keeps "predicting." If I'm going to be a part of the world ending, then I'm going to keep on living until that day comes.
Ava
Post a Comment