Me: What the heck did you get me into?
Penelope: Sup?
Me: What is this show about?!
Penelope: It's like a Biggest Loser, Miami version.
Me: Why would they pick me?
Penelope: Didn't you say you wanted to lose thirty pounds?
Me: Yeah but, nevermind they're calling me.
I walk into a room full of cameras and a tv screen. I'm quickly ushered to a high chair and asked to explain why I think I'd be a great fit for the show and why I'll lose the most weight. As I try to bullshit myself through the whole thing, Ella examines her fingernails and a yappy little dog by her feet growls at me. When we're done, the following conversation ensues:
Ella: Thanks so much for coming, we'll be in touch.
Me: Does this mean you'll really be in touch or is this just what you tell everyone as a closing note?
Ella: (stares blankly at me for a few seconds)
Me: (stares back at her)
Ella: No, we won't be in touch.
Me: That's what I thought.
Ella: What can I say honey, you're just not as big as I wish you'd be.
Me: Um, ok.
Ella: Also, you're not dramatic *at all*. Reality tv needs drama, drug habits and abusive ex boyfriends! That's what sells, pumpkin.
Me: I see. Okay well thanks for your time.
Ella: Any time, sweetheart.
I guess it's time for me to start stripping and pick up a drug habit and ex-convict boyfriend so I can be good enough for reality tv.
Excuse me...
45 comments:
Yeah, I can totally see you on the Bad Girls Club.
I would love to see you beat some bitches down.
Holla!
You should've screamed, "You said you'd call and you're not going to?! That's what my psychotic ex-boyfriend said before I put him in traction!"
Then pulled off your earrings and told her to defend herself 'cause it's on.
DRAMA!!
Hope you're feeling beter, too, love.~
Amber: I've never seen that show but at this point I'm up for whatever. Seriously.
Kat: I think you'd be a shoe in, girlfriend. I'm feeling a little better but this lingering cough from the depths of hell is still tormenting me :(
the sad thing is that its all true, idiots are what make tv interesting so i guess its a good thing your not an idiot lol.
I would go and kick Penelope's ass!
That sounds like a great day to me! Seriously, you can't be disappointed that someone said you were too thin and didn't have enough drama in your life. Also, she was straight-forward with you, so you aren't currently sitting by your phone, willing it to ring with the news that you'll be going on a reality show where they'll *probably* humiliate you on national television.
You should go back to Ella's agency and see if she has any other opportunities that you would be good for. Sounds like you made an impression. :)
Don't worry. I'm sure you'll find more avenues to whore yourself out to these pathetic losers who follow you and gain a few more bottom feeders one day.
There's no better place to feed than at the bottom :)
Not to mention you have to gain a lot of weight...for that show anyway :-P
I'd personally take it as a complement. Who the heck wants to be "perfect" for reality TV. Shudder!
"You're not as big as we'd like you to be" - Every girl's dream to hear this. :)
You shoulda punched her in the trachea for calling you "Pumpkin". Now THAT would have been dramatic!
Barb: Penelope does whatever it takes for famosity. She's a good friend.
Terri: She was vicious and so was her damn little dog. Not happenin'. lol.
Vicki: She was very Jersey the lady. I'm sure pumpkin is an endearing term to them.
Dani: I did take it as a good sign. Maybe I'm not as "chubby" as I thought. But I think it would've been an interesting experience. I wouldn't do a "Rock of Love" style show or anything like that... but something like this would've been great exposure. Oh well. Wasn't meant to be.
You need to stay away from that trash Annah. That is no way to really be the kind of famosity you want. I thought you handled yourself really well.
Odie
see, if vodka counted as a drug you'd be in. and you should tell them that you have an abusive ex-girlfriend. lesbians are very in.
Oh, well. You're much better off, I think. And I'm sure the psycho ex-convict boyfriend will arise sometime in your future! Here's hoping! Or not. Whichever. Hope you feel better soon, Gorgeous!
You and your friends should start your own reality show...if those people from Jersey Shore could get famous for drinking and sleeping with everything that moves, you are a shoe in! Oh wait...it didn't mean how that came out, I know you are not a slut. But anyway you guys are so much fun to read about. The episode about Text Sex would be hilarious! Just saying...
Apparently, the stripping and the drugs ain't gonna matter unless you chase all that with a 12 count box of donuts for every meal!
Booo! The upside? You're NOT fat! But then, you already know that! The downside? Meh, no downside, chuck it up to an annoying experience, at best. Kuddos to you for pulling the "stare down" after you posed your question. That takes a lot of guts. Not a lot of people could pull that off! Start your own reality show, "Annah takes Miami!" ---I'd watch it. :)
I loved that you forced her to say she wouldn't really be in touch. You dove right into the awkwardness and let it linger even during the ensuing uncomfortable stare down. Brave!
@Anonymous: SUCK ON MY BUNGHOLE TILL THE BROWN STUFF COMES OUT...then keep going ;)
Sheesh, how annoying! And how odd that you's be signed up for that interview!
Remember when you had to be skinny & drama free to become famous? Well skinny anyway. You're too good for them. Don't change a thing.
P.S.: THUNDERCAT's comment cracked me up.
Joangel: We've been thinking about pitching a few ideas to some networks. More on that soon I promise.
Steph: I don't think I've ever seen any lesbians on reality tv? Have I?
Odie: Thanks you big sweetie pie!
Jill: I knew she wasn't calling me.
Yvonne: Annah Takes Miami! Sounds good to me.
Lollypop: Are they Krispy Kreme? I could do that I think.
Thundercat: Gurl you're hilarious.
Dionne: Famosity, of course. The real reason behind everything in this blog.
Yes. You totally need your own show. I would watch it!
"Good enough for reality TV". Isn't that an oxymoron? However, just be sure to let us know if you ever do get onto one of those reality shows. I'd set my DVR and watch it every week! Go Annah! :)
"I'm terribly sorry darlin' but people like their reality a little less real."
I love your forwardness. You don't know how many times I've wanted to say, that when the "we'll be in touch" phrase card is thrown.
I say start your own show. And I'll come visit. And tell you I'm leaving at 4pm when my plane leaves at 6am the same day. Because I'm drunk. And retarded. Like Anonymous.
Your weight looks perfect to me. They should have a show with skinny people and the one to gain the most weight wins! I'd watch that.
I think you have it the other way around. Reality TV is not good enough for you :) I think Penelope is silly for thinking they'd cast you! I'm pretty sure they're looking for the really really really corpulent people.
They said you weren't fat enough for the show. How is this not a WIN?? I think it's a win. But you still haven't said what you're going to do with all that junk inside your trunk.... XD
I'm glad you didn't go into the reality tv route...then what hilarious blogs will I read? My life is unfunny enough as it is. I am sure that you can get some other show (comedy special? I'd watch) that doesn't require you tearing out some girl's weave and continuously fighting with an overtatooed ex-boyfriend.
Wait, you didn't tell her about your sexually repressed, super jealous cyber-stalker? :-)
Wow, sounds like a compliment. People are ridiculous.
<----- Willing to be an abusive x boyfriend.
I'll pretend to be your ex-convict boyfriend, it that will help. Then, when some reporter finds out my record is clean, and that I wasn't even your boyfriend, we'll both be even more famous! Yay!
I Love Reading all your followers comments
they are hilarious !!! -=0)
Word Up to the People !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Annah: You should probably write the Great American Novel or cure cancer or perhaps save an entire generation of urban youth from degradation and early death at the hands of poverty and injustice to get famous...
'Cause reality TV famous isn't "good famous."
Also: You could have promised to gain the weight. Maybe they would have even paid for it. Like, a $3000 gift certificate to McDonalds or something'.
http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com
There's always Idol.
hahahah i love this story
but yah reality tv has definitely changed a lot of things about our culture
Abusive boyfriend? Drug habits? Like you said...Excuse me?
Ooh! I love that you're thinking about pitching ideas to networks! I can totally see you on a reality show. But the Biggest Loser? No fun at all. I heard they don't even let you drink on the treadmill.
Wow that's messed up. You know you should sign up for one of those agencies who need extras in the background of movies. Maybe you could meet some other famous peeps and get a hook up or something. Or try signing up for the next "real world" and then just use that to write your book.
Dude, a little methamphetamine goes a long way in the entertainment industry. Just sayin. ***Sarcasm Font for people who take things too literal***
Will keep you guys posted on the next reality tv ventures. I think it would make for great posts.
Lighting: Dude I can't sing! At all. Maybe I could be one of those funny rejects at the beginning.
Cat: Love your end note. Just in case.
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