But then suddenly:
The old man was so happy I thought he was going to have a coronary right there on the tiled floor.
I stood there stupefied, a dumb smile on my face as I attempted to lick my vanilla cone and missed, while Marie started up a conversation animatedly with Kirk Douglas.
Old Man: So... Do you know what it is yet?
Marie: Yes (grinning from ear to ear). It's a girl.
Old Man: My, that's great. Girls make the world more beautiful I always say. Got any favorite names?
Marie: Isabella. I've always loved that name. (Rubs her stomach gently for emphasis).
Old Man: Strong Italian name. Very nice. I like that.
They carried on their chatter for another minute or two and then the old man gingerly touched her stomach and blessed "Isabella" before going to the counter.
"What the fuck?!" I whispered as soon as he was out of earshot.
She laughed quietly and sucked up bits of ice cream in between breaths. "Hmmm, this shit's delicious," she ignored my question.
"Dude, are you pregnant and didn't tell me?" I tried my best to appear indignant.
"No, you idiot. But you got me fucked up if you think I was going to tell that poor old man Sorry sir I'm not pregnant, just fat."
Then she pranced off with her double scoop of ice cream and touched her belly dramatically as she waved goodbye to the old man and I trailed behind.
Old Man: So... Do you know what it is yet?
Marie: Yes (grinning from ear to ear). It's a girl.
Old Man: My, that's great. Girls make the world more beautiful I always say. Got any favorite names?
Marie: Isabella. I've always loved that name. (Rubs her stomach gently for emphasis).
Old Man: Strong Italian name. Very nice. I like that.
They carried on their chatter for another minute or two and then the old man gingerly touched her stomach and blessed "Isabella" before going to the counter.
"What the fuck?!" I whispered as soon as he was out of earshot.
She laughed quietly and sucked up bits of ice cream in between breaths. "Hmmm, this shit's delicious," she ignored my question.
"Dude, are you pregnant and didn't tell me?" I tried my best to appear indignant.
"No, you idiot. But you got me fucked up if you think I was going to tell that poor old man Sorry sir I'm not pregnant, just fat."
Then she pranced off with her double scoop of ice cream and touched her belly dramatically as she waved goodbye to the old man and I trailed behind.
49 comments:
I love that! Your friend has a great attitude. Most women would have bitch slapped him.
Heh. I always follow the advice of a comedian I heard a while back--it doesn't matter if you can see the baby emerging from the woman's vagina, do *not* ask if she's pregnant.
They DO sell those "I'm not pregnant, just fat" t-shirts
How diplomatic of her. I wouldn't have been able to be so gratious.
Of course women make the world more beautiful. And this is the perfect example.
BAHAHAHAHAHA
This is the funniest shit EVER - I love it
Deny Deny Deny- You cant brake a lil old mans heart, and you dont want to look like a lil fatty with shame either. hahahahah
However- that shall be your cue to HIT THE GYM
or get lipo!!
Poor Marie- at least she enjoyed her Ice Cream with no shame!!!
-=0)
xoxo
Lol that is too funny. Glad she just played along with that old dude instead of saying she wasn't and making him feel even more of an Idiot. Either way it was a good post that me laugh.
LOL! Classic! I'm a strong believer that unless you see a baby foot sticking out of a woman's pants zipper, you DO NOT assume that she's pregnant because she looks like the Michelin Man.
Brilliant.
RobertGa: She has a great sense of humor. And she's not really fat. She just has one of these little pooch bellies.
Quincy: I've never heard that. LMAO. But you're probably right.
Olivia: She enjoyed her ravioli, her steak, and her ice cream. She loves to eat!
Dani: Youre too much.
Fred: :) !
Unwashed: Gratzie :)
Oh my god! i've been that old dude before! I asked this friend who I hadn't seen in years if she was pregnant. GAH! She wasn't! Lesson learned: never, and I mean NEVER EVER assume someone is preggers! (it wasn't pretty, I can assure you!)
I want to hug your friend Marie.
And, strangely, that old man.
LOL! Wow, I'm surprised she didn't get pissed.
PS you kind of look like a gangsta nun in the last picture.
It was kind of cute how that completely made the old man's day.
And totally weird. Why was he so happy about it when he was a total stranger?
That old man is lucky your friend has a good sense of humor. The last time someone mistook me for a pregnant woman I kicked the shit out of them.
Dude....Seriously thought you were pregnant with that title. Don't do that to me.
Bahahahahaha! Too funny! Your friend Marie rocks!
maria...you get me.
good story and all, but seriously! WTF kind of tongue does your friend got in that last image?!?! Kinda freakin' me out...like exorcist, crazy, tongue. eeek, thanks for the nightmares.
Not to take the glory away from your friend, but that little guy makes me so happy with his 3 hairs.
Oh God, thankfully no one (other than my mother) has told me that I looked pregnant.
http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/
I really love the art showing the tense moment before your friend decides to play pregnant - cutting back and forth between the two, the vacuous, happy look on the old man's face, and fury building in your friend's eyes. Very good work.
On another note, I think that man says that to all the voluptuous girls who come in there so he can fondle some belly. Dirty old perv.
that actually happened to my mom once with lady at the hospital i was actually there to get a sports physical..and she came up to my mom and asked. tho my mom wasn't so gracious because she has a hernia sadly placed on her stomach and had lost a lot of weight so she did look that way. But when my mom nicely told her she wasnt that woman's face was priceless. never assume ppl. Great story =]
I did that once. But I was 5 so I think I got away with it.
I went to a cafe with my uncle to meet his new girlfriend. When she showed up, I was eating a doughnut (mmmmmmm....). During the conversation, I asked her if she was having a baby (she was a rather large woman) and she said "No - I just had too many of those" and pointed at my doughnut. I pushed it aside and said "I'm full". True Story.
Way to go, Marie. Sometimes it's best if you just play along. :)
Although...WHY do complete strangers think a pregnant woman's stomach is public freaking property? Just because there's a baby in there, does NOT mean anyone can just go up and rub it. I remember wanting to scream sometimes: "I'm NOT Buddha and rubbing my belly will NOT bring you good luck!" People are crazy.
I think she was so cool to follow along and make it a happy scene for the old gentleman and I would have loved to have seen the look on your face thinking that maybe you were in the dark about her. Great post sweet thang and I really mean that.
You friend is a genius! I don't know what I'd have said in that situation, but her response was just awesome :)
What a gorgeous story and how clever is your friend. That way nobody got embarressed and some old guy got a smile.
when you're old, it really doesn't matter what you say, i'd never ask a woman how far along she was unless her water was breaking in front of me
LMAO!! What a priceless moment!!!!!
OH NO! Tell me he DIDN'T!
If it makes your friend feel any better, I was at a local bar and there's a 90-year-old who frequents the place. I was chatting with him and he was kinda flirting harmlessly so I went with it, thinking the poor guy is lonely as shit. Then when I left I gave him a hug and he said...
"You're a husky gal! Ever think about football?"
I had to exit stage left immediately so as not to spend the rest of my life rotting away in prison for bludgeoning a 90-year-old to death.
THAT is awesome!!
That's the best response to that fuckup I've ever heard! Incidentally, I never ask if a woman is pregnant unless the baby is crowning.
Carey: My friend Pe told me once that a close friend that hadn’t seen her in over five years since high school just flat out asked if she was pregnant. And she was like “Uh, no. I’m just chunky, asshole”. Ever since then, I learned. When in doubt… Don’t ask.
Nicki: Seriously the old man was just a sweetheart. I think he was just lonely and need of conversation. Or maybe he loved children. Or creepy.
Sheanna: Ha! No darling. I wouldn’t do that to you guys. When I do… you’ll know all about the gory details of the planning. Even if you don’t want to. LMAO
Kitchen Witch: I didn’t say my drawing abilities were very good. LMAO. Sometimes I forget to draw arms and legs on people and my friends call me and they’re all “Dude… Why are you missing a leg on your latest post? Was that like, on purpose?” I think it all comes together. Ha!
Tricia:I’m sure you would’ve kicked his ass real good too. Then you would’ve been like, I’ll show you how husky I am, old man!
Mynx: Marie is a crazy ass. I’ve always known that. I just didn’t know her acting abilities were so advanced. I got some learning to do from her, for sure.
Lacie: I drew those three hairs just for you ;)
Well played, Annah's friend, well played.
I am totally using that some day!
LMFAO! This was great! I did this once and was so ashamed when she told me, all embarrassed, that she just hadn't lost the baby weight from her infant yet. Que pena!
ROFL!!!!!! OMG THAT SHIT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
You're friend's a riot man. That's an amazing way to handle the situation. It reminds me of this football player Lawrence Taylor who approached a woman who he thought was pregnant.
"So, you're pregnant?" he said.
"Uh...NO!" she upsettingly replied.
"Do you wanna be?"
Haha.
#3...we're cummin...we're cummin...
;)
also, there is something for you over at my blog. go see. it's not an award or anything, so chill. and put your panties back on. you dont have to lay me to get it.
and the old man and i have something in common. we touch random women's bellies....for me, its so that i can "cool off" if you catch my drift. makes it easy. it might be the opposite reason for him.
loves.
In regards to Pragmatic Spector....
They so do have that t-shirt.
Even though I'm far from fat I want it. I've had MEN (never women) ask me the same question.
When I gain weight it does not go to where I need it (ie: Tits or Ass because I'm seriously lacking in that) it goes to my tummy. FML
I think this is my most favorite post of yours thus far.
Okay, I think I just peed a little.
I love the 4th and 5th pictures. You can almost see the uncomfortability.
Is that even a word???
I just stumbled across your blog, and I'm officially in love! Keep up the good work Annah!
x
This is absolutely hysterical! I fully intend to do this if some stranger asks me if I'm pregnant (which probably won't happen; long lean torso ftw!). Very diplomatic response, and funny!!
Very very very well played by your friend.
But when are people going to learn that if they do not know the person they should not ask question relating to her pregnancy. Rule!
But I guess old men can say whatever, they are just too cute.
And old.
Lying to complete strangers is fun.
Haha. As someone who has been in Marie's postition before, I really enjoyed this piece. Note to self: Always carry a cane.
Awesome blog. The pictures are classic, Annah.
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