Saturday

The Jump Of The Tiger

Well, hello there... How was your Christmas? Did you get lots of presents? Did you eat tons of food? What is it that regular people eat for Christmas dinner, anyway?

(Regular people = Not my family)

My dad is possibly one of the best cooks on earth and when I finally arrived at my parent's place and wrestled my way through a pool of seven dogs and five cats yesterday, my dad burst out of the kitchen with:
 
 
 
 
Ox tail is fucking delicious. You know what's also pretty awesome? Dorky holiday sweaters.
This post was intended to brief you of a new sexperiment I learned of a while back but so far it has become an ox tail rant (I can't help myself) laced with questionable fashion taste.

Back to the matter at hand! Over dinner a few weeks back I was informed that people from Central America have this sex move they often times perform called "El salto del tigre" (The jump of the tiger). Basically, the man will lay there with his sword up and ready for battle, while the woman runs and jumps on it from a distance. This move can also be performed the other way around (woman laying down) but it takes a tiger jump master to be able to execute it properly.

I'm not sure what kind of crazy lunatic came up with this but I've been told it rarely plays out as intended.
 
 
 
Merry Christmas, my little tigers.

41 comments:

Dani said...

Lol! I think I'm gonna skip trying that one out.

Merry Christmas!

J Franklin Evans said...

Yeah, I don't think I'd like that particular move. Glad you enjoyed the holiday with your family, though! Especially the food! All we had was a Honey-Baked(tm) ham (which I love, btw), some squash casserole (ditto) and some dressing (also ditto). Which was all fine and dandy with me!

Oilfield Trash said...

That is hilarious. I am all for some bedroom Olympics, but aint no woman pole faulting onto my beast of love like that.

DuckiesKnit2 said...

I got my book on friday, and I immediately took a picture of myself with it. I have started reading it, and LOVE IT!!!!! The Commoner is really an awesomely written novel! Thank you so much! Yay early xmas gifts!!!!!!!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Ox-tail stew, ox-tail soup is freakin' delicious. When we owned our restaurant we put up ox-tail soup on the specials one day and no one would order it. The next day we put up beef vegatable soup and we sold out. It was the exact same soup and people said it was the best beef vegetable ever!!!

Odie Langley said...

Ox-tail is really wonderful but also very expensive especially when you consider most of what you pay for is bone. We had the usual traditional foods: turkey, ham, candied yams, string beans, butter beans, potato salad, cranberry sauce and deviled eggs.
Now to the tiger thing. I would have to be drunk to allow anyone to dive onto me hoping to make the proper connection. All I can see coming from a crazy move like that is pain on the part of the guy.
So good to see a post from you today Annah. Thought I might have to wait a day or so. Pleasant way to end my Christmas day.
Odie

TB said...

That does not sound even remotely tempting (the sex not the ox tail). I think that if I ever suggested that to the hubby, he would immediately shrivel up like a naked Eskimo. *shivers*

twilightgazing said...

Ouch - that is one brave man to perform that act.

Oh and will your Dad adopt me? He sounds a great cook.

Erin said...

I was half tempted to make a comment saying that the mentioned flying tiger tail move is a personal favorite of mine. I even considered mentioning that I invented it myself. I was going to exlain that this is not a position for the weak hearted or the clumsy. I was going to con people into reading my own freakshow by stating that directions, reviews and a full list of pros and cons can be found in my own blog.

I decided that this was a bad idea for 2 reasons. 1. Christmas is not my traditional time of the year to con people. 2. Everyone would probably boycott my site out of outrage and disapointment when they notice that I dont talk about the praised topic of sex and instead write notes about my addiction to lies and about touching bald men's heads.

I think that you, my dear, are terrific! Your blog is one of my favorites and I always look forward to reading what you have to say! Merry Christmas to you and your family! Cheers!

amyblam.com said...

My hubs declined when I offered to test it out. Never had ox tail. We had stuffed pork, ham and a turkey. I may need to try the jump of the tiger to work it off.

Smart Ass Sara said...

I just asked Matt and he said no. BUT he said YES to me purchasing an iRide to try it out on that. :)

Annah said...

Duckie: so glad you got the book! I was beginning to wonder.

Oilfield: "Beast of Love". Too funny. Growl!

Odie: Ox tail is incredible. Especially with congri (rice and beans) and some plantains. Hmmmmm. Spicy meaty greasy goodness!

TB: I agree. Not tempting. At allllll.

Twilight: my dad always makes extra. Who do you think had ox tail for breakfast?

Erin: but man, would that have been awesome.

Sara: yeah... I figured Matt wouldn't be on board the tiger train.

J Franklin Evans said...

Just FYI I have a song called "Beast of Love." Though it's not precisely about the same thing.

Migz said...

I read this post and my penis telepathically sent a message to my brain saying "look, I know you and I don't agree on many things and I've ignored your advice on many occasions but please don't ever let him think that move would be a good idea."

Mynx said...

I get in enough trouble for just jumping on the bed. As much as I love tigers, I shall leave that move for someone else I think. Love oxtail but it is usually a winter thing for me. Funny, must have been the wine but as I read I couldnt help thinking, "gee a bit warm for a caaserole" then realised that it is probably perfect weather for such wonderful comfort food. We had prawns on Christmas eve and cold meat and salad christmas day.

V said...

had lobster for dinner and spaghetti. So much for being a vegetarian yesterday. Yup, i've been a victim of something like "El Salto Del Tigre" that didn't end pretty well. Some women should really stop being selfish in bed and calm down.

expecting 13 inches of snow here, lucky gal to be in the sunshine state. peace.

Boppie said...

I'm trying to figure out how this is something that tigers do. Does a male tigers lie on the ground, and let a lady tiger jump on him? I suspect not...so where did this come from? (Of course, I can totally see a male tiger leaping out of a bush and pouncing with an erection ready to go on a lady tiger. Men!)

Jewels said...

That move screams of a trip to the E.R...and I think it's better left to the "professionals" in Central America.

The thought of somebody vaulting onto/into me like that is terrifying...I can only imagine what the guy must be thinking as he lays there helpless as a woman's full force comes down on his pecker...I think not!

Thanks for the Christmas laughs. I hope you enjoyed your tail (of the ox variety) and your Christmas.

Manda said...

Just for the record...your cousin's sweater is more like a ugly Easter sweater...but good job nonetheless!

Oscar Devonian said...

Case in point: Why no country in Central America will ever be a global power.

Fred Miller said...

It makes some women pee. I know.

jules said...

That could just never ever, NOT end badly!

Dr. Cynicism said...

For some reason, my sick mind is finding more in common that you might imagine between ox tail and acrobatic sex maneuvers. Do I need a therapist?

Paige said...

well thats one way to break a penis...also i love love love how you always censor your pics...hilarious

Bodaciousboomer said...

Ox tails totally kick ass! It's too bad that most people won't even give them a try.

hed said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love it!

Merry (late) Christmas, Annah-sounds like you and your family had a great day :)

hed

Annah said...

Migz: Nice to know you and your penis have such a strong bond that you talk via telephatic messages.

V: Don't drown in all that snow. Lobster sounds awesome.

Oscar: Your comment had me in stitches. So wrong... but so funny.

Jules: Dude I have no idea. But how anyone could possibly think it's a good idea is beyond me. Maybe they're on drugs or something.

Dr. Cynicism: I think yes, amigo. But we already knew that.

Paige: Thanks, darling. I think it's pretty hilarious too. (Makes two of us).

Bodacious: Hmmmmmmmm. I want more!

Hed: Love the new picture. And we did. We had a great little holiday. Now on to New Years and on to the new year.

AmberLaShell said...

hahahahahahaha,, i showed this to my fiance and he just shook he head, while i sat here laughing in a loud obnoxious way!

caterpillar said...

ROFL....i thought the same thing when I read the description of this move...can't afford to be gymnasts, all of us now, can we....:D Seems like u had a good Christmas day....yayyyy!

leia said...

i actually saw a video of this being done. i dunno if it was real or staged or what but it was for something called "the trojan wars" a type of sex olympics.

but lol at the name!!

i'm glad you had a merry christmas, annah <3

***ladyvader99.blogspot.com***

The Adorkable Ditz said...

That sounds like a very painful maneuver...But yay to dorky Christmas sweaters!...

That I never had to wear. :P

http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

M said...

Ooohh! so THAT's el salto del tigre... I'm dominican and I've heard about it A LOT.. and never even dared to ask what exactly it is... and you know what? when I saw the title of this post on FB I immediately imagined it was a sex possition or something like that :P

***********************BRITT********************* said...

I think I'll stick to el baile del perro...woof.. lmao! That looks painful for both parties! Love the pics! Hahahahaha

Jerry said...

Two things I haven't tried: El salto del tigre and Ox Tail. I may try one of them.

Christy said...

Eewww,I hate ox tail and my family thinks I'm crazy (well my dad's side) lol.

As for "el salto del tigre" that really does look like fun... much less pleasurable, maybe once the position is assumed, it's a different story but there are so many other PLEASURABLE ways to assume position. Leaping towards it... hmmm... I dont think so.

Christy said...

*does not look like fun I meant to say lol :)

Janet said...

BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ms. C. said...

HO-LY SHIT! How did I miss this post?!? Fantastic!

Now I need to look up what I can do with ox tail and then where I can FIND ox tail around here.

etoile Oye said...

Annah! I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my bed

Kirsten said...

Loving the pixilated sword...

Kirsten said...

Oh- and as a completely straight female I must say, your boobs are GLORIOUS!