Monday

When The Hell Did *This* Happen?

Mommy dearest has never cared about my personal life as it pertains to men, nor did she bat an eyelash when I told her last year I wasn't ready for marriage and had intentions of ending my engagement which is why lately, I find it strange she asks so much about my weekends, fishing for the answer she's not gonna get. Suddenly it's all talks about those people who are "happily married" and "look at Maria having babies" and "don't you wonder about your soulmate"?

Come again? Soulmate?

Can't we all just have some fun without having to throw the S word around? "There are no soulmates floating around my neck of the woods mama, just beautiful souls," I said to her this weekend and she laughed but her eyes darted around the room nervously.

Me: Relax mom I'm not being promiscuous or anything if that's what you're thinking. In fact I haven't had sex for almost seven months.

Mom: But you ended things with Vin in January. That was nine months ago.

Me: Yeah that's what I meant. Nine months!

Fuck.
She knows, guys.

50 comments:

Bill said...

I don't know which I enjoy more ... reading about your descriptions of your life, or, the clever drawings.

I enjoy both, really.

theTsaritsa said...

Oye! That's a tough situation. But sometimes a double date can be fun-- or, at least you get a free meal out of it!

etoile Oye said...

love your mom. lol

J Franklin Evans said...

I've been divorced over twenty years now--haven't even come close to getting remarried. My mom thought I was gay. No, mom--just dating women of negotiable virtue. Not the kind to bring home to meet the folks.

J.Day said...

I love my mom, but when she starts in how she wishes I had a man in my life - oh dear. I just get all annoyed and sad, and all sorts of other things. I even let my mom set me up on a blind date once. Never saw the guy again. LOL

I'm sure people hand this out all the time to you, but I passed on an award to you. Love your blog!
http://omylee.blogspot.com/2010/10/award-time.html

Janet said...

I LOVE it when you talk about your mom =D

Kirsten said...

Believe me- if it wasn't this finding a "soulmate" business, it'd be something else. If you were happily married and content to be so, she'd be asking when you are going to give her grandchildren!

Dani said...

Oh yeah my Mom was very worried when I wasn't married by 20. Then when I did get married ten year later she was not subtle about wainting grandkids. I told her she didn't get a vote and if I chose to never have kids she was just going to have to live with that. We're blunt with eachother like that though, I don't think that's normal. 'Coarse I do have a kid now but Mom shut up for several years, it was nice.

The Tame One said...

But I need some grand babies Annah, I'm not going to live forever. Its coming.... ;-) Good luck with that.

Mrs Midnite said...

LOL mums! My mum keeps talking about how she'll have to make the most of the dogs cos I'll never have children. Yeah mum 35 not 65 give me time!

steph gas said...

thankfully, neither my mother or father seem terribly concerned about grandbabies.

HOWEVER. awesome husband's family seems very interested in my uterus. it's a big issue, actually. but i see a tubal ligation in my future. just in case. because i really, really, really don't want babies.

i mean, i have cats.

Ms. C. said...

I never got this talk...Probably because I was knocked up twice out of wedlock? Whatever...Hey here's a fun idea...Next time tell your mom you're a lesbian. See what happens. Then be all, "just kidding, Mom."

Picosita said...

There are such things as soul mates, the thing is, I think there can be more than one, and even if they're a soul mate, doesn't mean it will last forever. I love my husband, but I don't think he's my soul mate. He's definitely my best friend and I couldn't imagine ever calling it quits - but between you and I (and the hundreds of people who will read this) I met my soul mate three years AFTER I got married. At the time I suffered my first "oh shit" moment - but after time I realized even though this person could complete my sentences,loved almost everything I loved and really seemed to understand me - his lifestyle and mood swings totally made me not care about the fact that he could totally read my mind. Lucky for me I didn't do anything stupid and I'm pretty darn in love with my husband.

FALEN AKA THUNDERCAT832 said...

Oh damn that shit is crazy! At least you have the balls to admit to your mom that you've had sex before. My mom walked in on me knocking some serious boots one time and I still play it off like her mind was playing tricks on her! Legs in the air butt naked and everything ;) but I'm still a 'virgin' lol

Fred Miller said...

She must have read an article in Modern Maturity or something. She'll get over it. Enjoy your life.

FreeFlying said...

Pretend that you're pregnant for a week or two. Reset the expectations. :)

The Adorkable Ditz said...

Good luck with that Annah, thankfully my mom is in more of a get your school done girl and casual dating. She's glad that the Tickler and I aren't together anymore.

Wish me luck on this new thing I'm gonna call "dating..." It's gonna be fun, especially since I've already gotten a number >_<

Read my blog from a few days ago to see what I mean.

http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

Kate said...

My mother does the opposite. I make a comment about a boy/man and my mother says "OH KATE YOU DON'T NEED A MAN TO MAKE YOU HAPPY"

To which I always reply "....in bed I do"

And that never ends well.

Bouncin' Barb said...

Momma must be bored. Too much time to think about soulmates. Enroll her aerobics or teach her to play texas hold 'em online. She'll get hoked and you can skate on this one. haha

Jewels said...

I think our mother's find such joy in us (their kids) that they think we will lead unfulfilled lives if we don't have our own offspring. I say no thanks to that. I don't want kids. My mom still wishes I did. She'll find a way to cope. In the end I think we all know she wants the best for you...I usually tell my mom, "I know you love me...now love me a little less. I can handle this on my own." Good luck!

Catherine said...

Hmmmm....I don't know if soul mates exist.....but.....uh.....I may be leaning towards yes.....but then again, I am happily engaged....Maybe you MAKE your own soulmate. You choose them, and they choose you, and then they become more than a partner, they become a soulmate?

....yeah....I dunno....

Scarlet said...

HAHAHA They always know more than they let on. It becomes a game that becomes fun to blog about :P

Odie Langley said...

Annah you did so good today girl. I love it too when you get off on your mother. The art in todays post is top notch and you have made a lot of folks day. We live for your post girl, believe it.
Odie

Lost said...

Usually guys don't have it so bad, but my mum wanted me married with babies at like 22. Uhh, no thanks.

In fact I haven't had sex for almost seven months.

Mom: But you ended things with Vin in January. That was nine months ago.

Me: Yeah that's what I meant. Nine months!


Hahaha love it!

Smart Ass Sara said...

As someone who's been married for 6 years--- there is no such thing as soulmate. And I'm currently wondering when the perks of being married start because so far? Not so much.

Just 1 Random Guy said...

Eh,guys can have it just as bad or worse at times.

Mom: Dave, it's been a while since I saw you with a girl.

Me: Yeah, I know. I'm just taking a break for now.

Mom: ...

Mom: ...you know, it's ok if you're "different".

Me: Look mom, I've told you, I'm not gay, guys just don't do it for me.

And so on.


Real conversation. Real oddness.

B said...

Mums are funny man.

Nine months! You poor thing! I'd never survive.
I'd be a vicious monster on the street snapping at everyone in sight and inappropriately coming on to almost every man available.

What an inspiration you are!

Dr. Cynicism said...

Oh why won't parents leave us alone when it comes to relationships? Oh that's right... it's their duty to screw us up for life! :-)

SBG said...

this is hilarious!

DanWins said...

Don't you just Love Mom when she pulls those cards out of the Deck?

"You know "so and so" well......."

"why didn't you do this with ......."

"One of my friends has....."

Got to Love Ma she will make life interesting and miserable at the same time. About the only person any of us let get away with that.

She is just "worried" about her little girl.

Good Post Girlo

Danny Boy

lunamother said...

hahaha. The Google-generated ad on this page says "Over 40 and Single? Meet REAL SINCERE daters.

I was married the first time at 19 and had my first babies at 20 and 25. Divorced at 32. Remarried at 33. Divorced at 34. Remarried at 35. Had my last baby at 41. Still married at 51. If anything happens to this man, I'm single. Period.

My older two kids are still not married- my daughter (the older one) just got engaged last week. I told them both DO NOT RUSH INTO THIS STUFF- don't make the same mistakes I did.

So far so good :)

Christy said...

Oh oh! You're approaching the age where mothers start to worry. This is just te beginning my friend... Lol

Yvonne said...

wait. there's no such thing as "soul mate"??? wahhhhhhhhhhh!!! now what do i have to look forward to??? lol

you crazy cuban! thanks for posting on my blog but i wanted you to read, "gyros, vino and men, oh my!" lol

robertga99 said...

I love your blog. Just checking it out for the first time.

Danaconda said...

I say go on the double date and fart at the dinner table, but wait until dessert that way he still feels obligated to pay for everything.

Grandpa said...

I missed Oct 7, so here's a belated happy national leave-a-comment day.

If I were you I would think very very carefully about it - getting married, I mean - but then, I'm not you

Btw can you put photo right up - tired of twisting my neck to have a good look at it

MonsteRawr said...

I AM married, but I married a guy my mom isn't crazy about after a 6 month engagement, so the jokes on her. I just can't wait until the baby hints start dropping...

Minita said...

I love your drawings! One day when my blog grows up, I hope it's funny like yours. You have a very awesome way of making light of almost any situation. I especially love how you put a funny spin on the everyday conversations/interactions that drive us all CRAZY!!

Liz said...

Damn math, getting you in trouble again!

I got a good laugh out of your, "Not this shit again" thought. Oh, how that is SO true with mothers!!

Amanda said...

You have freakishly small hands. I see you get that from your mom. My family knows not to ask me about marriage. They're just happy if I get through a date without stabbing a guy in the nuts.

Quincy said...

Wow, that's a rough blog. Better you than me. I could never imagine ever having a talk to my mom about women. I'd fake an injury and call an ambulance to get out of that.

Vivienne said...

I so enjoy your comics :D

Mynx said...

Darling Annah, I truly think one day you will have the pleasure of doing that to your children. My kids are certain of it and refuse to tell me point blank if there is any pretty girls chasing them. Seems they think I will give them a hard time. I think they may be right.
I met my soul mate when I was your age. Dont write it off. Happens when you least expect it. Hugs :)

Kelly said...

Oh my...I remember growing up my mother beating into my head that I shouldn't get married before I was 25 AND a millionaire. Then one day when I was 20, I was out having lunch with her and she, out of the blue, asked me if I was a lesbian. As I was (unsubtly, I had thought) oogling our waiter's nice buns. 6 years later and she still can't understand why I'm single, especially now that my friends are starting to get married. And it utterly baffles her that most of my closest friends are guys. She'll start to get excited when she hears me talking about one of my friends and what we've done together, and she always gets this certain LOOK on her face when I tell her he's just a friend. Life I've crushed all of her hopes and dreams. I've dealt with it by never, EVER introducing her to any of my boyfriends.....she and the father think I still have the v-card, in fact. I figure they'd just be worse if they knew how much I like sex.

c.honna said...

Oh Lordy Lord

Tell Madrazo to RELAX, Weve gotz plans !!!!
No time for silly complicated situations (MEN) to distract us !!!

sounds like my mom, you know what she told me, "why don't you have a kid and send it to me- ill raise it!! She thinks its a chicken or something!!
HA !!!

Leigh said...

Well you know what could be worse. Me and my boyfriend would like to one day get married but not right now. We're enjoying having friends and doing our own thing before marriage. His mother however keeps on dropping the when-are-you-guys-giving-me-grandchildren-hint. For fucks sakes. She can't freakin'wait. i swear she even prays for an oopsie dammit.

The Tame One said...

GAH! You all are cracking me up this morning. I got married at 22 and had a baby at 24 so this wasn't ever a topic for me, but it was for my brother. Only that she was pretty sure he would get his girlfriend preggo and that she would have to raise it because they were busy being broke and camping in his VW mini-bus.

Picosita, I get you. I completely do! I love the hubs, but he is NOT my soul mate. He and I are oil and water in pretty much every possible way. But I still love him and he is the super-dad to my crap-mom business so its all good.

Random guy- I would have paid to see that conversation. Maybe your mom is hoping to be one of those alternative lifestyle mother-in-laws. Maybe she has heard that gay men make great friends and have an eye for fashion. Maybe you should find a super great gay friend to let her hang out with for Christmas!

Barb - RPGs are the most addictive thing online right new to W.O.W. which I have never played. I say play in a good RPG. She can make her characters find their soul mates and have babies - as many as she wants and as fast as she wants! Go fiction!

Annah said...

Robert: THANK YOU ;) Come by as often as you'd like.

Dan: Stop being such a nasty little piggy.

Olivia: Bahhahaha I laughed my ass off at your chicken comment. I'm sorry booboo but I really can't imagine you carrying a child around with you on all your trips. I'd pay to see that.

Minita: Gracias. I just try to live my life like that. My mother says I'm too easy going for my own good but I find that worrying never helped nobody. Not over stupid shit anyway.

Kelly: The think you have the V-card? Holy crap good for you!

elizabeth said...

It never ends, really--now that we're married, babies are constantly being shoved in my face by my well-meaning mother.

OK, so it's just my nephew, but still. An anvil that says "HAVE BABIES NOW!" would be more subtle.

Penelope said...

I think I can sum it up in three words - HA HA HA!!! :) i love your mom!