Wait No More

Disclaimer: It goes without saying this isn't up my usual post alley and I feel strangely inadequate at trying to describe something so intimate. It also needs to be said that in a strange way I feel in sharing this, I'm turning a new page on this madness machine of ours and frankly I kind of like it. It can't always be funny or silly, and I really hope you're okay with that.

Also, there aren't any illustrations so if you're one of those people that reads magazines because of all the pictures then you should probably wait until my next post but that means you'll miss this momentous occasion known as celibacy break.

Second also? Grab wine. I'll wait patiently while you do this and refill my glass in the meantime. If you're one of my Aussie readers (Trish) and happen to be at work, grab coffee and throw some brandy in there, Hemingway style.

The door closed behind us and I immediately felt it, the very first rumblings of nerves mixed with anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Nothing good could come of all this, but my mind was on a one-track course to get what I wanted and what I wanted was him.

It'd been months since that first time we'd sat on my couch on a Friday night, drinking white wine and talking about his ex-girlfriend, my friend. Months since he'd stolen that first kiss and I let him. Months since I'd told him this thing between us could never be. Months, since we'd decided friendship wasn't a feasible option. Months that enabled the sexual tension between us to boil over 212 degrees, allowing for one night to perfectly align in our favor and inevitably lead us to this moment.

"I'm going to have a glass of wine," I told him, aware I didn't need it but unable to stand there looking at him in that costume as his eyes studied my every move, asking questions he wouldn't dare verbalize. I felt his gaze go through me as I walked to the bar and poured slowly, taking my time and letting it all sink in.

"Do you want something?" I motioned to the bar.

"I do." He covered the distance between us in several strides and I could physically feel the shift in power when he reached me, welcoming it gladly. He took off my hat and unpinned my hair, letting it fall around my face as he held a strand between his fingers. "Feels like we were just here yesterday," he whispered.

"Yesterday was ten months ago."

He eyed me curiously, ambivalency in his eyes but a certain determination in his stance. "I can't believe tonight..." He let the thought trail off, one finger tracing an outline from my jawline to my lips, resting there defiantly.

For reasons beyond my grasp the night's events had snowballed with this particular outcome as our end. No point in going against the current, I thought. Especially when you want nothing more than to swim in it.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, his arms circled around my waist as my hands moved to his shirt. We undressed each other slowly, relishing the moments that would all too soon be gone. He ravished my lips as we fumbled in the dark with zippers and buttons and made our way to my room, red wine spilling and lipstick marking a clear path for celibacy destruction.

"Wait," he pulled away, snapping me out of the trance. "Are you sure about this?"

"I'm sure," I exhaled. "Tomorrow we'll wipe this from our memory and clean the slates. Tonight, just fuck me."

He sighed but after a few moments of hesitation did as instructed. He pulled me in and we collided, my hands tightly grasping his back as we became one, the pain almost unbearable but the need to have him much stronger. Sweat and bite marks and scratches infused with blood and muffled screams made up the first round. Then came the second.

When I finally laid my head on his chest the sun's first rays were emerging as he stroked my hair silently and smoked a cigarette in the dark. Sometime later the phone woke us and work tore him away from me, breaking the spell at noon like some warped version of a grown-up Cinderella. I wrapped a robe around my naked body and watched him dress, his brown eyes sparkling mischievously as he sighed and looked at his watch.

"What now?" He searched for my gaze.

"I guess we'll see each other around".

He cocked his head and muttered something under his breath as he walked towards my room door, putting his hand on the handle and taking a deep breath. But instead of turning it he grabbed me, forcing me upward to reach his mouth once again. This time there was no fumbling or hesitation, my robe coming off in one clean sweep along with all his clothes. Our bodies smashed violently into the wall as candles shook against glass on the chest drawer, climax shortly following. We laid naked for a few minutes and a comfortable silence filled the room. A neighbor talked on his cellphone somewhere in the distance. A dog barked somewhere nearer. I kissed his hands, glue from last night still stuck on his knuckles.

"You know? Before you go I need to say I don't regret this. At all."

"I'm sure you will eventually," he said matter of factly. "It's how you are, Annah."

"I know that I won't. None of this was planned and now it's out of our system for good."

And it should've been.

Except I hadn't counted on wanting more.