Hello.

I'd like to acknowledge there was male genitalia drawn as a spot on the cow from last night's post and none of you pointed it out so it goes without saying I'm very disappointed in you guys.

Today is the first ever World Statistics' Day and with that in mind I felt like doing some statistics of my own with a little help from Google. By now you're probably aware of the brand new shiny tab titled "STATS" that Blogger has incorporated as a tool to help us blog whores keep track of the amount of people visiting us (among other data). This new little gadget has a place to monitor your traffic sources and where your main audience is from on the world map. My top two happen to be the good ol' U.S. of A plus Brazil and seriously I don't know why Brazilians are so interested in my blog but "Obrigada! E eu gosto muito de voces!" <-------Thank you and I like you very much (or something like that).

The most awesome part of the "STATS" tab is finding out which key words others use to find your blog and according to Blogger I'm a porn star and masturbation expert and you should totally visit my blog if you want to learn about the art of self-pleasuring and your favorite sex position. I honestly should've known something fishy was up when Sheanna sent me this email last week:

So today I decided to do a little research of my own and now it all starts to make sense even though I'm still really really confused.

In other news I befriended a complete stranger yesterday on Facebook in the name of blog prostitution because that's what people do when they want their blog to be read, they whore. (whore to the max, damn it!).

I thought I didn't know him so I added him in hopes he'd eventually click on my blog link and tell other people hence starting a chain reaction of famosity but the fact is we have friends in common and once he accepted my friend request I realized he's not a complete stranger after all, but a guy I used to crush on in high school.

Fail.

Tonight I had every intention of staying up until four in the morning and writing a real post about a new type of sexual experiment I learned about last weekend but it's my cousin's birthday and they're cutting him a cake and I've been commanded to attend. You guys know how much I love cake so it pains me to say you didn't stand a chance. Which is really fucked up if you think about it because I know of more than one occasion when I said "I love you guys more than cake" so not only am I a porn star and blog whore, but also a compulsive liar.

This post would've probably made more sense had it been divided into three but honestly pornography + whores + cake go together like peanut butter + jelly + sliced bread so don't judge me when you see pictures of me on the internet naked and eating cake while holding my blog address up on a sign.