Do you like my blog? Yeah? I'm so happy you do. I really hope you've enjoyed it, too, 'cuz there's a high probability it will cease to exist and no longer churn madness after my parents return from vacay on Saturday.
Tuesday night, I felt the imminent need to "loosen up" while writing my first naughty post, hence deciding to open a bottle of vino I found in my dad's little cellar and rocking out with my blog out. I think the post came out pretty good if I do say so myself and as I finished walking the last dog and came back to polish off the bottle, my parents called from their little piece of paradise in the land of the plantains and super tans.
Me: Gordo!
Dad: What're you doing?
Me: Meh, here. Writing a blog post. Trying for famosity. The usual.
Dad: (chuckles) You're ridiculous. Go back to school!
Me: No. Famosity!
Dad: What's your post about?
Me: Ehhrrrm. Bananas.
Dad: Bananas? As in, ripe plantains? You're never gonna become famous like that, niña. People on the internet have nothing better to do, apparently.
Me: Yeah I know. Tell me about it... So, how is it?
Dad: Great. We've had enough lobster to feed all of Havana.
Me: Yum! I hate you.
Dad: You could've come and said no, so no complaining.
Me: I know, gordo. But who was going to take care of all these dogs?
Dad: I already told you, lynch 'em all.
Me: Mom will *kill* you if she hears you say that.
Dad: I know. She's in the bathroom putting on lipstick. Weeeird.
Me: Uh, weird indeed.
Dad: So, what else?
Me: Well I opened that Pedro bottle you had lying around in the cellar. Fucking delicious.
Dad: The 2008, right? (a tinge of annoyment in his tone).
*Searching frantically in the garbarge for the bottle*
Tuesday night, I felt the imminent need to "loosen up" while writing my first naughty post, hence deciding to open a bottle of vino I found in my dad's little cellar and rocking out with my blog out. I think the post came out pretty good if I do say so myself and as I finished walking the last dog and came back to polish off the bottle, my parents called from their little piece of paradise in the land of the plantains and super tans.
Me: Gordo!
Dad: What're you doing?
Me: Meh, here. Writing a blog post. Trying for famosity. The usual.
Dad: (chuckles) You're ridiculous. Go back to school!
Me: No. Famosity!
Dad: What's your post about?
Me: Ehhrrrm. Bananas.
Dad: Bananas? As in, ripe plantains? You're never gonna become famous like that, niña. People on the internet have nothing better to do, apparently.
Me: Yeah I know. Tell me about it... So, how is it?
Dad: Great. We've had enough lobster to feed all of Havana.
Me: Yum! I hate you.
Dad: You could've come and said no, so no complaining.
Me: I know, gordo. But who was going to take care of all these dogs?
Dad: I already told you, lynch 'em all.
Me: Mom will *kill* you if she hears you say that.
Dad: I know. She's in the bathroom putting on lipstick. Weeeird.
Me: Uh, weird indeed.
Dad: So, what else?
Me: Well I opened that Pedro bottle you had lying around in the cellar. Fucking delicious.
Dad: The 2008, right? (a tinge of annoyment in his tone).
*Searching frantically in the garbarge for the bottle*
Me: Yup. The 2008.
Dad: Good, because the 2003 was a gift from Ciro and I intend to drink it when Castro dies.
Me: I thought you were drinking the '99 I bought you in Madrid.
Dad: I actually drank that already when they said he died on the news a few months ago, remember?
Me: Uh-huh. Well how much did Ciro say that bottle cost? I um, maybe I can buy it for the holidays.
Dad: I don't know, Annah. Jesus you ask the dumbest questions sometimes. It's a gift. People don't *tell you* how much gifts cost. I think I saw it at the wine shop though for like a hundred dollars. Anyway gotta run. The crazy is out of the bathroom and we're going to dinner.
Me: 'Kay... uh, have fun.
Dad: Good, because the 2003 was a gift from Ciro and I intend to drink it when Castro dies.
Me: I thought you were drinking the '99 I bought you in Madrid.
Dad: I actually drank that already when they said he died on the news a few months ago, remember?
Me: Uh-huh. Well how much did Ciro say that bottle cost? I um, maybe I can buy it for the holidays.
Dad: I don't know, Annah. Jesus you ask the dumbest questions sometimes. It's a gift. People don't *tell you* how much gifts cost. I think I saw it at the wine shop though for like a hundred dollars. Anyway gotta run. The crazy is out of the bathroom and we're going to dinner.
Me: 'Kay... uh, have fun.
I have this distinct feeling I'll be scalped on Saturday by my father. Or, he'll chop me to bits and make pork cutlets out of me for Thanksgiving because let's face it, those go really well with rice and beans. Neither of these things are conducive to famosity. On second thought, maybe I'll just throw on the sailor costume and go on a prostitution binge while I literally "work it" for a hundred dollars.
57 comments:
Oh my god too funny. How about you go in search of a wine shop that carries aged wines. Maybe you can find it there and put it back safely where you found the original. Oh how about this you switch the stickers on the bottles! Take the 2008 bottle and change the '8' to a '3'! It might work, if not Charlie Chaplin your ass out of Miami for a few days till this all blows over :)
Oh, woman! Can you possibly doctor the 8 to look like a 3? I mean, they're practically the same number.
If not, you can always hide at my house. We have a spare room and DC is super fun right now.
You had me worried there for a second! I thought the quitting might be for real! It's ok, dads do get over their precious aged booze being consumed - trust me ;)
Yikes!
See kids.. nothing good can happen when one chooses to drink anything other than cheap wine and vodka.
simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com
It's okay...this blog can just become a travelogue of your life on the lam.
I agree with FreeFlying. Whiteout. Or you could just try explaining to your dad that you had a REALLY good reason for celebrating. Err...whiteout.
It was nice knowing you!! lol... On another note, did you notice your last post, "Wait no more" stopped at 69 comments... how appropriate!! :)
play the daddy's little girl card. dads are notorious for forgiving their little girls when they bat their eyelashes.
OR. if you are a devious woman (which you may well be) you could try doctoring the label. actually changing the stickers will be impossible.
your only other option is to find a bottle of it locally and replace it. if you find a bottle locally, you should let us know - if a bunch of us contribute a dollar, you should have no problem getting it. i'm good for a dollar to save annah's ass.
And this is why I don't drink XD You can't get into trouble if you don't even drink the stuff!
Good luck coming up with the moolar!
http://beautyinnegativethings.blogspot.com/
I'd be totally stoked if you were my kid. I hope my children have such good taste in booze when they're older.
Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Demon?
Xy: I laughed at your "Charlie Chaplin" reference. That was some funny shit.
Steph: Thanks my sweet. I actually found a place that's selling it for $72.99 so that's the ticket.
Hey, sailor...
Well, there's nothing for it but to throw yourself on his mercy. Good luck living through it. :)
Haha Oh Whooops!
I'm sure he'll get over it and it'll be a story he can wear like a badge and throw around at your wedding.
Moral of the Story: Beware when drinking whine that belongs to others.
Lesson learned!
Oooops! Well if you can't get THAT exact bottle you can buy the best bottle you can afford and give it to him with a heart felt "sorry."
Dads forgive pretty easily.
I was just searching online for vintage Argentinean malbecs but I see you found it locally...thank God girl cause he will whoop your ass.
lol, facepalm!!!!!
I hope he doesn't kill you. Life would be so much duller without you :0(
I say try a little White Out. Or rub an eraser lightly over 1/2 of the '8' and see what happens. Buena suerte!
maybe you can get the iron and the labels off and switch them...
good thing you told us about this, see if go missing, we'll all know your dad did it and call the authorities! you are so smart, girl!
besides, he OWES you at least $72.99 just for taking care of those flea bitten dogs!
The fact that your dad is saving a bottle of wine to celebrate a death is about the most awesome thing I've ever heard! Can you afford the replacement, or do you need to start a blog-a-thon so people will put money in your paypal account?
lol.. thats fucking funny.. You are my hero
I really laughed so hard!!!
Ewww.... ouch. Sorry pops. But hey, how about some Berringer. Its Californian!
Uh oh! Yup free flying has the best idea....or you could say you were loopy with the "what you thought was" 2008 and read the number wrong.
or
dyslexic with numbers!
CBG
canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com
When I lived with my parents, they found out the hard way that they could have no liquor in the house.
So basically you can turn everything around and blame them!
My lips are sealed Annah. In case Papa comes looking around your blogs. Annah who?
haha, damn i almost got lynched a few times just for sneaking a little vodka every once in a while... good luck!
TB: Every Cuban has a "special bottle" for when Fidel dies. Only that no one really knows *if* he's already dead. That little fucker. He's like a cat with 99 lives.
Carey: Shit. He owes me more than that! Him, and my mommy dearest.
Personally Annah I think you will be safe as far as the wine goes. When I was a child I found some homemade wine in our carport room in a gal. jug and it tasted so good I drank about a third of it and I'm still here. Now about the blog, that may be another subject altogether. I would be lost without Annah's posts to enjoy so I hope you are worrying for nothing. I think I would at least try doctoring the 08 bottle, better than $72. Good luck on all of it. We all love our Annah.
my vote is to switch the labels!
Please, don't die my life would be nothing without Red Means Go! And plus, you'd miss out on Halloween!
:)
http://jouriepalumbo.blogspot.com/2010/10/what-not-to-do-for-halloween.html
I decided to go with my instinct, haha....I think the 'bake & peel' method sounds the best...
http://www.redwinebuzz.com/modx/index.php?q=how-to-remove-a-wine-label.html#peel
I'm sure you'll be okay. Red Means Go! will live on, and (hopefully) this incident will merely be more hysterical post fodder for us to read and enjoy.
Good luck.
It's not going to be a problem because Castro is freaking like 100 and he's probably not going to die for another 50 years unfortunately.
So what if daddy dearest scalps you? So what if he takes away your blogging privileges and grounds you for life? So what if we never hear from you again and you never achieve famosity? Look on the bright side, Annah. The good news is that you left us with a gift that keeps on giving - an X-rated vignette that will be ours to cherish...forever!
I've often thought of turning to "working it" to get myself out of trouble. Is that something I should admit? Probably not.
Also, I know a handful of Hispanic people who have a special wine they are saving for the death of someone. I can't get my dad to tell me who he's wants to die though. So, that's a little scary.
Maybe if I drink it, he'll tell me...
Lor
I hope you get that bottle of wine. Sucks, I hat eating/drinking something that is supposedly very special and you get in a shit ton of trouble for it.
http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/
Well, figures you are destines to be killed when I decide to make a blogger comeback.
Text me from the dark side, eh?
Love ya chicka!!
Jourie: I'm convinced I would mess up that whole label business. Maybe I just drink both Pedro bottles and then buy two "Pepe" and tell my dad he's confused.
Samson: Exactly. That fucker just refuses to DIE.
Shady: That hurt my feelings :( Take it back!
Lorraine: Dude that's funny. It's a Latin thing.
Amber: Exactly! Where have you been, woman?!
I like the "My Life on the Run -The Annah Diaries" idea! lol Don't worry, I'm sure your dad won't kill you! -maybe! hahahaha Just "doctor" it!!! Use white out or redacting tape! Suerte amiga! ***muah***
It will be fine.
Suggestion, Tell him the truth before he finds the truth. Then tell him you will replace it asap (or when the funds are available) but look really, REALLY SORRY for it when you tell him.
I hate to say this just in case my Daughters run into this comment BUUUUTTTTTTT - We Dads almost always have a soft spot for our Girls somewhere -- Even When We are BOOOIIIIILLLLLLLIIIIINNNNNGGGGG MAD.
as for the AMBER - I know she appeared on mine today as well, Our Long LOST Sister of Trouble has Returned!!!!!! YYYIIIIIIPPPPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Now we all can Cause some Real Trouble.
Danny Boy
at
http://anythingatanytime.blogspot.com
(see you are turning me into a BlogHO)
I honestly thought you were going to say that your parents had seen your sexy blog post, and your dad was calling to confront you about it. By comparison, the bottle of wine is no biggie.
ahem... as your friend in the liquor business I will see what I can do... no promises but I will run this by my people.
muah! and good luck!
It's ok. I think they let you blog from jail.
Not that I'd know.
Time for that trip to Australia I reckon. Lol.
Haha on crap!! Well here's the question...how fast can your dad run and is it slower than you?
Oh shit! That sucks, darlin'. May I suggest shooting both his knees?
Kirsten: I am relying on the fact my mother doesn't know how to use a computer and my father is very discreet. So even if he *did* read my stuff, he would NEVER EVER admit to it. THANK GOD.
Juliana: You think? Must check into that.
Celeste: Chop to it!
Mynx: I'm just waiting for you to get your new place then I'm crashing. I can already imagine the blog posts :) Ahhhhhhhhhhh
Minita: My dad will catch me. One way or another. LMAO
lol. your post is hilarious. Your dad's a funny guy. I see who you get your wit from.
I think prostitution can make you famous...i'm just saying. :D
WAIT! I'VE CRACKED IT!!!
we just have to get to cuba and take care of fidel ourselves. then you can tell your father that you drank it for him to celebrate castro's death. he CANNOT get mad at you then, because the wine served it's intended purpose.
plus, a bunch of us getting shitfaced, going to cuba, and attempting to 'take care of' fidel castro would make a very epic story. like, made-for-tv movie kind of epic.
we can all get drunk first on cheap vodka, then go dancing and keep drinking. we'll get to castro's... house? compound? i don't know, i don't pay attention to world affairs. some of us can distract/flirt with/seduce/otherwise occupy the guards (you KNOW castro will have a fuckload of them) and the rest of us can jump the fence or whatever and take care of the little old man.
FOOLPROOF PLAN. also, i have already eaten some tarzipan tonight. so i may be overmedicated while writing this.
LMAO @ Steph gas' comment!!!
I love your blog, Annah. I recognize your talent. I admire your intelligence, versatility and outrageous sense of humor. When I admire somebody I automatically regard them as a friend because life's short and I'll take all the friends I can get. Sometimes when I banter back and forth with a friend I feel safe engaging in playful, good natured kidding. When I wrote those sarcastic comments I assumed that somebody as playful as you would recognize immediately that they were nothing more than friendly teasing and that the way I really feel is the exact opposite of what I wrote. Indeed, it would be a terrible shame and a tremendous loss if you stopped blogging for whatever reason. It actually shocks me that you could believe that I felt any other way. My remarks were well intended, but if they really did hurt you then I am genuinely sorry and I humbly apologize right here and now.
Pour the still there bottle into the empty bottle and get it re-corked.
Also, you never know, your death could increase your famousity. No truly great artist is really recognized for their famousity until after they die.
Ebay!!!! You can find anything on ebay.
Shady: My darling! :) I was kidding too. Come on now, lol. But I still loved your comment. *muah* Sugar kisses.
Steph: Lord almighty you have an imagination. I was cracking up. At best we kill Castro and party. At worst we get really drunk and all die. Ha ha ha ha.
Dana: You are a GENIUS!
ROFL!!
I have done this to my parents too many times to count. They still love me :).
1. Castro will probably live forever
2. You can probably save enough money to replace the bottle between now and forever
3. The hijinks that will ensue while you try to hide your crime and then replace the missing bottle will undoubtedly make for a hilarious blog post
4. You can always go on the offensive if caught: it's your dad's fault for not clearly labeling the bottle 'Don't Drink Except Over Castro's Dead Body.' How were you supposed to know?
5. Your dad sounds flighty - he already drank a special bottle a few months ago in response to a rumor? - so maybe he'll change his mind and get a specialer bottle.
6. Aren't you supposed to toast dead dictators with champagne? Tell your dad he's being gauche and that wine is so Pinochet.
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