The first fundamental fact is as follows: No one gives a shit about you. The second? It's about who you know, not what you know (and this sort of applies to everything in life now that I think about it).
Below, is a little pictorial of my job hunt shenanigans thus far (real and imaginary).
Seriously, guys. This shit is exhausting. Where's famosity when you need it?
p.s. I didn't want to end this post with the usual unrelated sidenote but fuck it. You guys literally made my day yesterday with all your comments to Let's Play a Game! I laughed like a hyena as I read each comment with mascara streaming down my cheeks in the best possible way. I had my suspicions but now it's been confirmed you're all a bunch of freaks. And I love it so much that rest assured when I break my celibacy vow I promise to think about you (not individually 'cuz that would just be weird, but as a whole). Kind of like a virtual cheerleading squad or something. We will play more games going forward because I enjoyed it way too much and I hope you did too.
I'm spending some much needed quality time with the parental units this weekend so this is it until Monday. Have a great weekend and remember, Jesus loves you (ha ha). But really, he does.
64 comments:
I know exactly how you feel, except that my town is only 800 people, and my car decided to have bald tires. My bad for driving 30,000 miles in one summer. I had to take the only job in town, fighting other people for it: dishwashing at the local pub for miimum wage. It blows, but at least Im working.
www.idreamloudly.com
Wow! If you're enjoying unemployment so much you're really going to get a kick out of having children, raising them, watching them leave home...the whole empty nest experience is TO DIE FOR! lol.
Thanks for keeping me laughing. Enjoy your weekend.
Good for you for telling Bozo how it is. Although I, personally, would have gone all bullying on the retail woman. I feel like you could have gone crazy with that hair. "I will braid this shit and choke you with it!!!"
Hahaahaa greatness....u should bring it back to HS days n go cut some grass!
Somehow, you need to make some serious money on the internet and then you won't need to look for some nonsense job.
I can't picture you working at a job at all.
Annah, you are not alone. I was rejected from a grocery stocking position because I was both over and under-qualified. Master's degree but no grocery stocking experience? Sorry!
On the bright side, if you were employed, you wouldn't have as much time to entertain the masses, and being famous is a full time job anyway. It's, like, HARD.
Annah I know just how you feel. Back in 1999 the company I had worked for 20 years was purchased by a huge outfit and they gave me a 6 mo. severance package. I had two agencies working for me and they never did find me a job. I drew 1 unemployment check before actually getting a job and that from someone (I know). Have a great weekend too, we'll miss you.
That fry rice comment almost made me pee!
And whats with the over-qualified? Wouldn't they rather hire someone smart than someone just average even if they are going to leave???
Kate: 30,000 miles?! You're my new hero. I thought I was bad with my 70,000 in two years.
CJ: Have a great weekend and thank you for stopping by. As far as kids, meh... I LOVE THEM. But I don't know if I want any.
Lacie: I really wanted the Taco shop position. Like, a lot.
Anonymous: Maybe I will!
Samson: I LOVE YOU. And neither can I.
Feelings: I agree. No harder job out there. No really, this shit is time consuming. LMAO. And say what? Master's degree and they rejected you? Maybe you needed a Master's degree in rocket science. Begh!
OMG I loved the Asian Interview. I laughed so hard I got a side cramp. It's so true those Asians man gotta love them! Seriously the job market is ridiculous. I hate it so much. But enjoy your weekend with the parentals and have an awesome holiday. Who knows maybe something funny will happen that you will have to blog about on Monday :)
Btw life would be boring if we weren't a bunch of freaks in the sake. I would of hated to live during the protestant reformation era! I needs me some good sex with a man who knows how to work it that is for sure!
OH P.S. Love the new default picture, you look so pretty in it! Love the hair girl work it!
ya! let me tell you when i got out of university nobody would hire me! turns out even to be a janitor at a publishing company you need 7 years experience!!! well i mean ive been cleaning now for about 18 so youd figure theyd inleast let me clean the floors there... no dice! but after 5 months of searching i got something that i am def. under qualified for... when they find out i spend all day reading your blog ill be in the same boat! im sure some amazing job is waiting for you somewhere out there! i think :)
I was called yesterday and told that I lacked "preschool experience," yet hold 4 teaching certifications, a Masters degree, and have been teaching for seven years. Everyone sucks.
oh goodness. your illustrations are spot on.
the whole unemployment compensation suffocates me too. i can never tell if my benefits will renew or if i should start hyperventilating and resort to turning tricks to pay the rent.
the mouse would hire you, even if you're not married and have no children. they care more about the fact that you don't have visible tattoos or piercings, speak at least one language fluently, have natural colored hair, and don't mind being fucked up the ass (figuratively, of course).
but then you'd not be able to party in miami. so there is that.
http://justanotherwastedday.blogspot.com/
Everything for a reason. That's what I think. I've been out of work since Dec. 2008. It's tough but what can we do? Write blogs and read yours. That's what my days are like and I'm happy!! Take a trip to Myrtle Beach. We can blog on the beach with Strawberry Margarita's in one hand and laptops under an umbrella. Happy Labor Day!
Why are you even worrying about getting a job? Because you could be a whore on the side. Look at Rachel Uchitel- she's living in a CONDO right now. Clearly the jobs are out there. You just have to carry a wide variety of weapons and some Lysol. You can do it!
I hate my job. I need to find something else to do with my time. The thing that pisses me off around here is that there are lots of places to apply, but when you turn in a res or apply via internet, you never find out if the damn thing was even READ! I had a friend make over my resume and the little fucker looked beautiful! Like, employers should be making out with it, or hunting me down with pitchforks and torches or something chanting my name in the streets and BEGGING me to work for them. Jaded sons of bitches! Clearly they know not how awesome I am. So basically what I'm trying to say is being employed at a place you hate as much as you detest child predators (which is a whole lotta hate) and trying to get out feels much the same.
I had to go to a job interview where I wasn't allowed to wear high heels or skirts, because I was forced to lie down on the ground and do "stretching exercises" with the clients. I did all of these things, felt like a complete imbecile, and thought that SURELY there was no other candidate who was as much of a tool (er, I mean team player) as I was... Well, apparently I was wrong. I didn't get the job. SWEET!
Aw girl, you don't want to work for Superman. Quick changes in a telephone booth? No, no, no. Plus you KNOW you'd get bug splatter on your sunglasses when you fly places.
Xylina: Thank you babes! *muah* I had a little fun the other night with my friend who's a professional photographer as I was feeling pretty low. Some great pics came out of it so NO complaining.
Barblicious: That sounds like too much fun. Margaritas and beach blogging. Shit I have to try that ASAP! No, I mean it.
Sara: Touche! Where's a married celebrity looking for an affair when I need him.
Sheanna: I know. That's what I keep telling myself every time I regret having quit my job. I just have to remember how much I despised it.
Bi: Oh God I can so sympathize. I hate when you
get suckered into doing these things in interviews you really don't want to (hour long questionnaires, interviews with three different people, etc) and you STILL don't get the job. Sad part, they probably give it to someone who deserved it less.
Annah, your funny synopsis of the whole ridiculous unemployment situation is spot on.
There is definitely something out there for you that will align with your greatness -- and I seriously doubt it has anything to do with mouse ears, tacos or fry rice. The super hero thing might be cool though.
Enjoy your weekend!
Hugs, The Empress
http://rantersbox.blogspot.com
I gave you a blog award on my blog :)
http://happydyingsun.blogspot.com/
Oh, my god! Five dollar an hour? How you can say no to that? Okay, now I'm hungry . . . really, just statistically, something's got to work out.
I have had the 'you are overqualified' speech before, and it just makes me crazy. If I were 'underqualified', I would understand not being hired, but overqualified?! Willing to work? Check. Need the cash? Check. Willing not to be drunk on the job? Ummm... check?
That says 'qualified' to me...
Loves it-BTW I gave you a blog award, but you gotta check mine out for the deets! Have fun with the units
It is amazing how many people in the Miami area I have heard this from , I am starting to think they are holding interviews for jobs THAT DON'T EVEN EXIST!! Like they got bored and wanted to see how many people they could dangle an invisible carrot in front of before someone figured it out!! If you ever feel like leaving paradise (the coast) Central Illinois has jobs! (yeah..I know..who would MOVE to Springfield..I understand completely.) (sigh)
Yup, you definitely hit the nail on the head here.
But....You're my HERO for quitting your job in search of greener pastures and what you really want to do in life! It's revolutionary, damn it! I mean, the actually revolutionaries quit THEIR COUNTRY because it didn't suit them...And they started their own. American's....Nothing if not rebels. For real, if I didn't have two kids, I would do the same. I'd probably travel...And my body would be ridiculously hot. For real. Women would envy me and men would flock to me. Perhaps I'd meet a nice lad named Sergio and he could be my cabana boy...And we would...I digress...You're my hero and I'm so effing glad I ever ran across your blog and am getting to know you. You're fabulous, dahling....And the world needs to know! Can't do that behind a desk.
You are hilrious!
waiiiitt... superman interviewed you also... (that lying piece of... )
Pavla
www.thedramaticcomedyofmylife.blogspot.com
Oh my GOD. That was fuckin hilarious. Here is an idea(don't know if anyone else has given you this one). Why don't you try getting a job for some kind of comic strip. Whether on the web or a newspaper(if anybody even still reads those). Maybe you could start your own web site for comic strip funnies! Cause girl...you are funny! Thanks for the amusement.
Ah damn No free Tacos ?> -=0(
Bahahahahaha
My poor little friend you are too smart for your own good
** Hey I heard they are hiring at TOOTSIES
hahahah JK
Bahahahahahah
I cant stop re reading the pics!!!!
Hialrious!!!
loved the drawings today! haha. I can't imagine how hard it is to be out of a job right now and looking when nobody is hiring. Good luck sweetie. Glad we could have a part in cheering you up yesterday. Lord knows I laughed my ass off too. haha. Ps...would love to play more of your games!
I sympathize with your situation Annah! I was unemployed for a few months and just recently re-entered the land of the employed again! (Yay!) It's still not a job I would choose if I had a choice but hey, I needed the income so no brainer there! I hope your situation betters soon for you! -By the way, this was freaking HILARIOUS!
Angelina: Your little carrot comment made me semi-choke on my iced tea earlier today. I don't know what the hell they're doing, but the job and salary situation down here is pretty damn horrific.
Liz: That's what I thought ;)
Sheanna: You are my hero for calling me your hero because I said so. Listen here, you have to come to Miami! Shopping spree for you. I'll drive you around (I still have a car, yay! but hurry up because God knows for how long if the situation worsens). Ha!
Sisi: Thanks so so much.
Gary: Dude. Um, no way. There's like NO WAY on earth anyone would actually hire me to draw. Are you looking at my drawings with your glasses on? LMAO. THANK YOU THOUGH. I am flattered! Still chasing that famosity!
Pavla: That fucker Superman is a damn liar and a canniving little jerk. Let's beat him up, gang style.
Honna: I'm so glad I can be your number one clown hunny buns. LOVE YOU.
Jewels: We will. More games coming soon!
Yvonne: Yay for job! It can only get better from here *crosses fingers*
Lol oh I'm living the unemployed life too. Mostly I have nightmares about going back to school for the same degree I ALREADY HAVE.
I got offered a job at a womens lingerie store though. A month a go, I would have said no. Today I'm all "LETS FONDLE SOEM STRANGERS BOOBS! WOOO!"
I think I may end up fired.
WOW
situation is pretty much the same here in canada. what's even more hilarious, the ones that want:
- a degree
- eighty years of experience
- sixty references
- driver's abstract
- criminal record check
- blood test
- urine sample
........................and they are offering $14.00/hr i kid you not.
i am in an okay financial situation... i make more than i should for what i do, i don't always enjoy it.. but i shouldn't complain.
i hope things start to look up for you!
ps i love LOVE your drawings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xo,
v
http://howtobeanorphan.blogspot.com
Virtual cheerleading squad? When you finally get you some, think about this little cheer:
Annah, Annah,
She's our girl!
She's so horny,
She'll give anal a whirl!
I frickin love you, youre so funny...I just stumbled upon you, and I'm glad I did :))
Oh my god, I almost sprayed my computer with the water I was trying to drink. I love the picture of you jumoing over the desk at Bozo!
I think I saw every lame look and heard every excuse as I was job hunting and obviously pregnant!
Hope you find that place that wants you and all your awesomeness!
Jess
I took a peak at this site. Realized you still haven't had intercourse made me happy. Enjoyed you're last entry ...call me =P
in a few weeks i will someway probably be doing the deed, and i might tape it! (well, on my cell phone cam at least) haha beat you!!! But i guess nobody cares about some weird nerd doing something...but you my friend, a different case.
You tease. prior to the last entry you put some pictures of yourself in some arousing position with the classic duck face. All i can say is...THANK YOU. Thank you for relieving my tension from a stressful day. =I
and speaking of work...use what you got! With your hotness you're a shoo-in at hooters, strip clubs, club promotions, and amateur pornography....heck you're hot enough to get a rich guy and never work again.
best of luck to ya,
-V
Hang in there. The right Clown will come around...keep plodding along or swimming rather (in your jello pool, which sounds pretty fucking yummy if ye ask me).
Damn. Your job interviews are really interesting. You should just write a book about them.
Hope you find a job you love soon!
Oh Annah, you should just get your loyal followers to support you. Get them to send you a dollar a day. You can make it one of those sad informercials......
~"Angel" by Sarah McLachlan playing in the background~
"For just one dollar a day, less than a cu of Starbucks coffee, you can do you part in supporting this remarkably funny woman and have the warm feeling inside of helping humanity. For just ONE DOLLAR A DAY, you can help her dreams of famosity and she can continue to make you laugh."
Then close with a montage of photographs of you making people laugh and maybe of you hugging some of your dogs and
BINGO
.....no more job hunting for Annah.
Just a thought.
Something will come along when you least expect it!! heres some virtual good luck coming your way ...................... :) I hope it works!
Have a good weekend too xx
Lady B: You naughty girl you. Thanks for the laughs.
Violet: I know exactly what you mean. They want you to jump through hoops for like $9.50 an hour. That was one of my recent experiences in an interview which is what inspired the Bozo drawings. Thanks for the love.
OctoMom- Yay I love that cheer! But no whirling of anything that involves that little back hole. No no no no no.
Jesse: Thanks dude. Hope you come by more often!
Jess: Sorry for the spraying but at least you enjoyed it (OMG that sounded sooooo perverted). I'll quit this comment now.
V: You are too funny! Thanks for still stopping by. I will hold off on sex as long as I can so you can keep on visiting? Okay that's probably a lie but we still have a good three weeks left. Also, I have thought of working at Hooters, but no pornography, my parents would SKIN me alive. They're Cuban, this sort of behavior is normal over there :)
Daft: I will, sugar plum. I sure sure will. Hmmm now I want orange flavored jello (with vodka preferably).
Amber: That had me cracking up. Think I just may do it for self-amusement. Don't know if I have the nerve to put up a donate button. It just doesn't really suit the whole "famosity seeking" persona, don't you think? Sides I need a job. LOVE YOU!
Becks: I think it will... I just have to keep on truckin'. It's all good, so far September is paid for, now I just need to find a way to pay for October.
It's true what you say, Annah, that finding a job is about WHO you know.
I can't even get a job in Sedano's. :-P
-French Bean
Also: I HATE it when people say "you're over-qualified." The underlying fact remains that you ARE qualified to begin with.
-French Bean
Hilarious =) I love your blog!
Btw gotta love your drawings lol
xx
Hilarious & sad at the same time!! You are definetely not the first person I hear complain about this. But hopefully something will come out of it soon.
Gee Superman can be a prik sometimes.
I just can't fathom that no one would want to hire you... Aren't there a MILLION bars in Miami? You could become a bar star??
If you can't find a job that's right for you, maybe you should invent a job?
x
Corianda
http://corianda-corianda.blogspot.com
Hokay, I will let you in on it. On the secret to getting hired to jobs for which you're totally unqualified (and believe me, I've had SO many of these):
Lie.
Like a b*tch.
"Have I managed teams of twenty conducting market research execs whilst reporting on the eating habits of mid twenties Asian young professionals, whilst standing on my head and eating fruitloops?
Pfft. Obviously."
Use my name. I'll write you a letter of recommendation/verify any false-itudes you include on the old resume.
What??
How do you THINK it's done??
No, seriously.
- B x
believe you me. Jesus HATES me.
I love unemployment though.... you deserved the sword swallowing job at least. That stupid ass clown...
http://arealgoodblog.blospot.com
I so feel your pain. BTW, I love your blog.
Here's for your celibacy vow: http://img31.imageshack.us/img31/6047/photodqz.jpg
I found it upstairs in the attic
Don said nothing because he was too busy enjoying this post and the comments and he was out of breath and thus speechless.
He may need some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation or whatever that is called.
Any volunteers?
Hey Girlo,
It will get better and you will find a job. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time for us and the right job to find each other. I forgot to post to the last one about the let's play so quick response if I remember: rasberry swirl Ice Cream,
ummmm can't remember next and as for the favorite sexual position well let's just say trying different positions from the Kama Sutra makes for an interesting play time with my wife.
Love you Girlo
Keep on Keeping on: You will find something that fits you.
PS: with your saving all them thar dogs you do, have you thought about putting in to be a vets assistant or working for the Humane Society? Just a couple of idears.
Danny Boy
B: I'm so going to take your advice. LIE LIE AND SOME MORE LYING.
MaBil: Thanks babe.
Charles: Yes but when you're unemployed and not getting money from the government, it's a little different. Ha!
Pragmatic: He he. That brought a smile to my face. Thank you :)
Danny Boy: I think I would become way depressed working for the Humane Society seeing all those doggies without homes :( It would just break my heart.
You keep making me cry from laughter! This is the 2nd pair of contacts I'm going to have to get rid of because they are now foggy...thanks!
But for real...this is hilarious! La China-Good five dolla be here at 4 am...fack no...#dying!!!
Hey I need a sitter so I can go out on the weekends.. oh fack nevermind... Who am I gonna party with if you're sitting the kids...nevermind sorry.
"Im sorry but your over qualified" is code for " Im afraid you will take my job". Just so you know.
lol, that's awesome. Sorry you are finding it so difficult finding a job though :0( I've never really understood the notion of being over-qualified for a job. Having said that, what "Amanda M" said above is probably true, they are scared that you are going to take their job!
Hope you get sorted soon :0)
lmao!!! ur comic strip totally sums up job hunting!! I love love love it! I got let go from my job which I though was gonna be my foot in the door for my dream job (tv production) oh sigh! Now i'm searching like crazy...I pray I get something soon. Ive thought of just going and getting my masters but well the GRE costs $160 and I cant afford to spend right now...sooo...yea im lookin for work, budgeting wisely, enjoying life n blogging in the mean time (www.legallysane1.blogspot.com). Dont worry Annah, we will be hired soon enuff!!
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