Frequently Asked Questions

The following questions were asked on the month of July, 2010 by the fabulous followers/commenters of Red Means Go. I love you guys more than Oreo frosting on a Buttercream cupcake.

What is your favorite cheese? Gouda. I can’t get enough of it. It’s pricey but it tastes like skirt steak on crack with just about everything. Crackers, pasta, spicy sausage, wine, grapes.

With Gouda the possibilities are endless and now you got me thinking about cheese when I really should be thinking about job hunting and fixing my resume. Thanks a lot.

How do I get more followers on my blog? Go here. You're welcome.

Would you f*ck, marry or kill Sarah Palin, George Bush and John McCain: How does a girl answer this question without losing her Republican readers? *smiles coyly* Take a wild guess...

Would you like to see Twilight again with Bella as a vampire?
I’d like to never see Twilight ever again. But anything where Bella is dead sounds good to me. If you can kick Stephenie Meyer in the face too while you're at it, that'd be pretty awesome. Keep the vampire and the werewolf alive though, they may be of some use (emphasis of the word may).

Moonlight or beach...which is more romantic..? Moonlight on the beach even though I’m extremely boring as far as romance is concerned. Nice restaurant, filet mignon, bottle of wine and you have my heart (or at least my attention).

Black or White? Red.

Big or Small? Bigger than small, please.

Thick or Skinny? This is the hardest question on here. I don’t have an answer. I’m sorry but I've failed you.

Ten pound cheeseburger or cake?
I really like cake but if pressed I’d rather die from a heart attack than from diabetes. It’s quicker that way so I’ll go with the cheeseburger.

What is your favorite place in the world?
Place? My bed when rain is pounding against my window and my three dogs are snuggled with me and there’s white wine on the right night stand and my earplugs are safely protecting me from the neighbors playing rap downstairs.

But also Madrid. I've wanted to move there since I was eighteen. The fashion and men and museums and weather and food and parties and bars and oh! I can't talk about it anymore or I'm going to combust.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Egg, of course.

Why did you start blogging?
The nickname “African Story Teller” quickly became mine after friends would hound me for tidbits of my weekends every Monday morning. My friend Cassie pushed me to write a book and I eventually did but apparently agents aren’t interested in representing a nobody when they have books to push like the one written by that chick from The Hills.

At any rate, Cassie was all “you should at least write a blog and see what comes of it” and I’d always say “Yeah yeah, I’ll do it” but years passed and I never did. One Tuesday this March she sent me an email that said “Here, I opened a blog for you and named it after your book. Start entertaining me, bitch.”

And the rest is history...?

What program do you use to make your drawings? MS Paint. Simple. Fun. And full of possibilities.

Is it okay if I use your pictures or drawings on my blog?
Absolutely! Rock 'em out, but give me my damn credit because I’m trying to be famous here.

Speaking of fame, why do you want it so badly? And where did you get the word famosity from?
My English is probably not as good as it should be considering Spanish is my first language. One day as I was putting a post together I wrote “If Paris Hilton can have famosity then I'm as good as gold” and my friend Sofia was like, “Uh, dude, that’s not a word.” And I just turned to her all serious-like and said “Maybe not now, but it will be soon” (but in reality I was totally mortified).

As far as yearning for famosity? I want it because fame equals money, and money equals groceries, and if you can tell me something that’s more awesome than groceries I will turn my back on famosity now and follow you to wherever you lead me.

I often wonder if your posts are really true or if it’s all in your head… Do you make things up?
I wish with all my heart and soul that I was as creative as you think I am, but I’m not. My brain capacity does not permit me to conjure up imaginary scenarios. In other words: I’m not that smart, guys.

So the answer is no. I write about my life and almost pee my pants with excitement when a friend says, “Yo remember when…” and I’m like, “Yes! Another blog post coming right up.”

What do you hope people take from reading your blog, if anything?
That life is a rollercoaster and sometimes you're high and sometimes you're low but no matter what the important thing is that you are.

Don’t be scared to do the unexpected. Get wild sometimes without hurting others. Live a little and you may just surprise yourself.

Oh, and for the love of God don’t take yourself so damn seriously because regardless of what you think, not many people care.