It's high time you're briefed on some classified information about yours truly: I love expensive sunglasses. When I die I want to be buried naked rocking a pair of them and a fake smile.
Okay that's not entirely true, because funerals are expensive and I don't think anyone should spend that ungodly amount of money to cover a rotting corpse with dirt but you get my drift. This weekend was filled with none of the fun and a rigorous exercise regime which is literally kicking my ass into famosity shape (lots more deets on that later, I promish). Back to the sunglasses and the point of this stupid post that should be shot in the face along with fat-free ice cream. There once was a time when I had about seven different pairs of designer shades (and a job too) but one by one, they ended up in the claws of this dog right here:
Also, I lose everything and sunglasses are not exempt from the unfortunate bunch so I started buying cheap designer knock-offs at five bucks from street vendors instead. You know, the ones they have at Chinatown in NYC or in those little carts at the mall in Hialeah (really shitty Miami town with the highest population of Cubans and delicious greasy food). I bought a new pair about a week ago and fell in love with the stupid things but guess what? I dropped them while opening the door for an old lady this weekend and look what happened:
Versace and Dior should pay me for this post as it is an obvious deterrent for anyone thinking of buying knock-offs.
Happy Monday and thank you for reading what was possibly the worst post known to man (I love you too).
Unrelated sidenote: While we're on the shit train I have to share that my six month celibacy vow is officially over in twenty-six days. I know you don't care, but guess who does? (Hint: she has dark hair and likes cupcakes). I ate a mango the other day and look what I did to the poor thing.
Happy Monday and thank you for reading what was possibly the worst post known to man (I love you too).
Unrelated sidenote: While we're on the shit train I have to share that my six month celibacy vow is officially over in twenty-six days. I know you don't care, but guess who does? (Hint: she has dark hair and likes cupcakes). I ate a mango the other day and look what I did to the poor thing.
I think my sexual frustrations are being projected on food in more ways than one.
Not. Good.
Not. Good.
38 comments:
I have ALWAYS wanted to go to England! If you end up flying "across the pond," be sure and send me a post card or something so I can be even more bitterly jealous. And I've found that cheap sunglasses are the ONLY way to go. The expensive ones just have a horrible way of disappearing almost immediately after being purchased. I think that's an actual fact in a book somewhere...or maybe not.
Anyways, I'm tired, therefore I'm rambling, therefore I must go to bed now. Have a good week!
PS: This is not the worst post ever. I'm sure there are far worse posts out there than this one. :)
http://candicesstories.blogspot.com/
I definitely think that Versace should be paying you for the service you are providing in keeping the knock-offs off the street, and advertising the problems with the knock-offs to all of your loyal followers!!
I hope you make it to London soon :0) If I didn't live quite so far outside of London, I would offer you my place to stay. Judging by the weather this morning, though, if you are coming to London in February, you'll need to pack for snowstorms in Siberia (it's supposed to be late summer, but it really is freezing here at the moment. I'm wrapped in a duvet, shivering intensely!!), as well as the usual snorkel gear (can't beat the British wet weather!!).
Still, there's no such thing as bad weather, only the wrong clothes!!
Annah, The "I've Been Sucked Dry" photo is hilarious ...which means that this post can not possibly suck.
http://rantersbox.blogspot.com
Aw I'm sorry about your sunglasses, but I seriously had the impression that this post was going to be about 5-dollar hookers. Your reputation precedes you Annah!
I agree, love the mango pic.
-Liz
Doh! I live in Queensland. I asked my "mum" for a napkin the other day at the dinner table and she gave me a really weird look... It turns out "napkins" are monthly womanly items and what I wanted was a "serviette". Awkward!
(PS Took your advice! Here's my blog people!)
http://heddownunder.blogspot.com/
I think the glasses look pretty fucking awesome on you.
I'm certain that the amount you pay for sunglasses is proportional to the amount of time it takes to lose and/or break them. Cheap ones are the way to go and that way you can always be in fashion (Important when achieving famosity).
Yeah Annah, none of your posts suck. We all love you and will take whatever you feel like dishing out. Also loved the mango picture. Primed and ready for your next post. Have a super week.
Odie
Candice: First I find jobbie then I go to England :) I'll blog about it.
Darren: Still, if I make it to London you have to swim there for a day. Lol. It's been over 90 degrees and humid here all week.
Daft: you think I can make lense-less glasses into a new trend?
Pragmatic: You mean my reputation for racy posts, right? 'Cuz for a moment there it sounded like you were calling me a $5 hooker. Hahaha. And I'm way more expensive than that. $10, at least.
Hed: Thanks for that! Learn something new every day.
Liz and Ranter's: I'm counting down the 27 days. Funny thing is it's not like anything is gonna miraculously happen then. I can't just walk up to someone and be like, "Hi, I was celibate for 6 months but now I'm not, wanna have sex?" That'd be priceless.
Mynx: Meaning the more you pay for 'em the quicker they get eaten by your dog. Or lost.
Odie: Have a great week. Those mangos are SO delicious. My mom has a mango tree which gives fruit to about 100 each year and she only gives me a cheap-o ration of five. She loves those stupid things and looks forward to them more than Christmas gifts.
Coño Mija you just killed Hialeah and that Mango! lmao! $5? I'll get you another pair...love ya Muah! =)
Oh thank God that I can buy the knock-offs though because I am super poor form having way too many kids.
Poor little Mango Man.
I am not showing Mr. Fabulous that picture of what you did to the mango. HA! Twenty six days....Seriously, I don't know how you're still alive. I couldn't do it.
Without the lenses, those frames make you look like Norman Lear. Television producer. Very attractive.
The Fred Effect
I have made the mistake of a couple knock off purchases from street vendors in NYC. Mostly watches or other random junk... never sunglasses. The watches last about 6 months and then die.. could be a battery but i'm too embarrassed to take them somewhere to get that replaced.
But then again it's usually only about $20 for the watch so hardly worth getting me peeved over.
SD
http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/
Annah,
I wrote you a letter today... In my defense, the cats told me to.
And I'd comment on your post, but I'm saving it to read at the hospital on my phone...
Mei
Http://Fairweatherdiver.blogspot.com
You it's sunglasses, me it's cell phones. I can't keep one in my hand. The little effin thing keeps jumping out onto the pavement!
PS: I bet your fruit love you!
And by "opening the door for an old lady" you mean what, exactly?
Shakin' a booty breakdown at some very hip club whilst all the Miami boyz watch in stunned amazement?
Oh.
Cuz that's usually what I mean.
Famosity deets?? Do tell.
- B x
Knock off's never end well.. they also dont look as pretty surrounded by bad felt lining, on a broken down kiosk in a poorley ventilated miami mall. .. just saying.
Post did not suck :)
www.thedramaticcomedyofmylife.blogspot.com
Poor Mango never saw it coming. :( (A moment of silence please for the Mango) As for the cheap sunglasses have you gone to the huge flea market down there with the outside carnival and all the fresh fruits. You know you can get your car tinted for about 25 bucks lol. I loved that shop. Every time I visit my family in Florida I make a trip down there. Polarized sunglasses for 20 bucks and sometimes you can get two for the same price! Love cheap sunglasses I have about 20 different pairs. I am obsessed!
PS. After leaving the previous message I look over to my right on your page and see an add for "Discount Designer Sunglasses up to 60% off!" hmm.. I do not think its a coincidence
Poor mango lol... one of the many casualities in your celibacy vow... BUT you are almost there!! As for the sunglasses, I'm sure you'll find a replacement soon since there's no stopping you once you put something in your mind lol.
Tame One: Knockoffs rock.
Ms. C.: I don't know how I'm alive either, or whether I'll know what to do when I do end up having sex. But of course, you guys will be the first to find out.
Simple Dude: Exactly :)
Mei: Let's go see what you did Miss Thing.
Fred: Thank you? Ha ha.
Sandra: You sound like my friend Penelope. She went through 5 blackberries last year. They already know her at the TMobile store.
B: Opening the door for an old lady, opening the door for an old lady. I was a good girl and stayed home this weekend. And famosity shape. Meaning, a size two. lol. Nothing with the famosity situation, just yet. Still hopin'.
Pavla: Sometimes you find really cute ones, but you gotta search hard.
Xylina: Not a coincidence at all. Those Google ads are *quite* the savvy marketers. And I think you mean the Swap Shop? Most probably. They have a drive in movie which is pretty cool.
Christy: We need to go back that street fair in New Orleans!
Here's a free tip- try not to tell the first guy you jump about the mango. You might scare him off.
Yuckie that poor mango amiga... that looks very messy. I'm glad I wasn't there to watch you destroy your mango I would've handed you twenty napkins before the masacre was over, lol.
I just laughed for about 10 years.
I used to buy every semi-awesome pair of 5$ sunglasses I found. They now, in pieces, litter my car floor and glove compartment. Someday I'll toss them with the rest of the yoohoo cans and cliff bar wrappers that (unrelated) also litter my floor.
Sara: I won't. Don't think that will the cause.
Jeannie: Messy, but friggin' delicious. My mother rarely shares the mangoes from her trees so I gotta take what I can get. But yeah, I felt pretty obscene as I was sucking the life out of that thing. September 24th needs to get here, like now! (ha ha)
C.R. : Really? lol. I'm glad some people found this amusing. I think this was one of my worst posts by fat. Also, I tried to leave a comment on your website and if you're reading this, not that your comments aren't working.
Fish Nation: It's time for a car clean up! I need to clean mine too. Begh.
lucky mango. I do that same thing to my mangos. (Not gay.)
http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com
I have learned several things today:
1) I can soon attempt seduce you. THANK GOD. You should SEE all the poetry I've written
2)Opening doors for old ladies is a terrible idea. In fact, punching them in the face will likely be my new course of action.
I need to protect my sunglasses.
STILL LAUGHING FROM THE MANGO BIT...NOW HAS A BAD CASE OF MUDD BUTT...THANKS
I too love expensive sunglasses. I could never handle 6 months of celibacy. Props to you. Self control is something I lack.
Ramblings of a Small Town Girl
Annah (girlo)
26 days take it easy on the fruit and foods. Got a late start today but hope you have had a good one and not worked to hard and the dogs have been good.
Catch ya laters
Danny Boy
You could bring back Versace shades.
lol, I like the mango bit. Have fun at the end of your celibacy thing... and of course let us know about the whole experience (why u did it... and how hard it was)....He he, hard.
hhahahah almost over-please write a post on how you will celebrate....
That mango dripping all over your hand...absolutely obscene! Haha.
looks pretty and awesome !
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