Basement Blogger

I feel the need to start this post off by saying I just paid 20 Cuban pesos to write this like Speedy Gonzalez on crack because my time here is limited. Yes, I just paid $26.00 American dollars for less than an hour with you guys. It's almost as if I was a hooker in the Red Light District but instead of getting paid, I'm the one doing the paying to get financially raped by a creepy old Cuban lady with illegal internet in the basement of her house.

You guys are lucky I'm still alive for more reasons than one but mainly because as soon as I signed on my account I was greeted by this:

Did someone say heart attack? Uh, yeah. This is one of the many ways Blogger's trying to get rid of me but no can do... I'm here to stay! You may be wondering why I'm posting while on "vacation" and the answer is because I'm friggin' addicted to blogging because I love you but also because I just realized that I forgot to post the picture of the stupid bird that put me in this precarious situation in the first place so here you have him.

Now that that's out the way, it's imperative I let you know how happy and giddy you're making me with all your recent comments and support. So much in fact that I often find myself laughing when I'm alone and/or surrounded by people even if it's evident they're thinking, There's Annah again, out of her goddamned mind, that girl.

You guys are friggin' fabulous and the reason why I wake up at four in the morning to pray for post material (well famosity too but that's obviously unattainable).

Mei from Diary of a Fairweather Diver took the time to draw this wonderful illustration of me and hell yes! That's exactly what I look like (except I think I have a few more teeth than that, maybe five or six more).

She started a campaign for me called "Save The Kittens" and that picture pretty much says it all. Make me famous, save a kitten from being devoured whole. Oh yeah and you're also saving mice apparently. Which makes no sense because the more kittens the more dead mice but that's a minor technicality we're going to overlook at this point because the important thing here is famosity and nothing else really matters.

Everyone seems to have a "Grab My Blog" Button these days so I'm officially making this mine (code coming soon). You can copy and paste it into your Facebook or Blogger or Twitter or you can print it and make it into a bumper sticker or paste it on your boobies if you're a girl before you hit the town because that will really make me famous.

I'll have you know that so far I haven't eaten any cats and you guys this lady is totally breathing down my neck here in this basement and I'm kind of scared for my life right now because her husband is upstairs and he's shirtless and barefoot and I'm guessing at any point he's going to tell me to go to the kitchen and make him a cat sandwich.

Fack. The things I do for you.

Hmmm, what else can I say? Basement owner has just notified me I have 12 minutes left so I guess what I really want to say is thank you! Thank you for believing in me and pushing me along now that I'm down in the dumps. Thank you to The Bloggess as well for attempting to make me famous on her website and breathing her wine scented pixie dust my way. Apparently famosity is harder than it seems but I'm determined, my people.

For sure we'll have a big blowout party when I do become a superstar and we'll have jello shots and vodka popsicles and brownies and tuna tartar too (my favorite). Then we'll all have diarrhea but it's okay because porta-potty's are awesome and nothing brings people closer together than alcohol and trips to the bathroom.

Okay I have 8 minutes to make you guys a drawing so here it is:

Back on Wednesday!

p.s. The basement lady just saw my drawing and asked if I was doing it for my daughter and I said "Yes," even though I don't have any children. Then she replied, "I don't mind if you take another five minutes to finish," while pointing at the crotch area but I was all "No, I think it's funny that way." And you should just see how she's scowling at me as I reach for my purse and hit "PUBLISH POST."