Alcohol To The Rescue

I know I mentioned in my last post the rescue pups had eaten away at my ethernet cable and basically fucked me royally in my quest for famosity but I was wrong. They had feasted on the cable but that wasn't the reason for my internet's refusal to churn awesomeness.

Yesterday I spent all day trying to find a place where to use the internet and post about the time I worked for a porn reality show but the library was closed due to remodeling and then errands got the best of me and finally when I got to a book store I figured out my computer was the one with the problem when it wouldn't log on to the wi-fi service as I sipped my over-priced latte and cursed the day I decided becoming famous was a good idea.

I called Dell's customer support line to see if they could help me resolve the little problem but the Indian representative that answered after my twelve minutes of hold time said that in order to help me he needed my credit card information and "authorization of payment for fifty-nine dollars".

Then I told him he was out of his mind before hanging up and went on Facebook to post this:

A few minutes later my friend Dustin sent me the following message:

So I drove to Publix and decided some red wine might help me out but was torn because I can't write when I drink unless you guys want everything to be misspelled and senseless but I went anyway just to look at cupcakes but then I passed by the wine aisle and saw some on sale so I took a picture and sent it to Dustin.

Of course he replied with "Buy them all!" and I would have had I had more than $17.50 in my account so one had to suffice. I went home in a mildly contented state but after setting the wine down on the counter my anger started bubbling up towards the surface for not having $59.00 to fix my laptop's internet problem but also for not being a man because if I was I would've known how to fix things without having to call some customer service rep in India who's not interested in me as much as he in spicy curry (and I don't blame him either because that shit's delicious).

The more I thought about it the more enraged I became. I was more than capable of figuring this thing out without anyone's help! Who did this laptop think she was? I grabbed it and set it down on the floor in front of me as I pulled out all the Comcast cables and modems and wires and restarted the computer to be greeted by this message.

I was baffled as to why my computer would say that "The Annah" had to log on as an administrator because I was logged on as Annah and I am the administrator! So I continued to angrily push buttons and received the same exact message over and over.

Then as I sat there with my face buried in my hands praying for a virtual intervention, my Blackberry went off and it was Dustin asking how things were coming along so I replied with the following:

I walked over to the bottle of wine and uncorked it slowly. 

After taking a deep yoga breath I poured myself a glass and calmly sat back down on the floor next to the laptop and took a sip which immediately made me feel better. I messed with every cable, wire and button I could get my hands on until eventually:

It worked, guys. I had no idea how I fixed it but I was convinced that divine intervention and wine and Dustin (also known as The Devil) worked together to grant me internet once more.

I celebrated by drinking 3/4 of the Graffigna and finally making a fan page on Facebook for the blog. Dustin and I worked with names and catch phrases that would make people like it, such as this one:

But Facebook denied it so in the end I just kept it simple and pray that lots of people "like it" so that famosity is closer to my chubby handed grasp.

I've already written two other posts today so who says liquor trumps productivity?

Not I, guys. Certainly not I.

Update: Ahhhhh (insert smile here), I was writing back to all your wonderful and delectable comments and check out the ads Google had right under this post.

Fucking epic.