Monday

About Me

Annah Rondon was born in Cuba at ten pounds, five ounces.
Her mom wanted to name her Maria but her dad was completely opposed to it (thank God because she’s obviously so not a Maria).

Her birthday is December 12 which makes her a Sagittarius.
She's loved dogs since she was a toddler and prides herself in rescuing every critter in need of rescuing (and some humans too).
She likes dancing even if she's got no rhythm and has a signature chicken dance she does when she’s happy which she may or may not show you one day.
Annah really likes koalas and would probably stab George Bush for a trip to Sydney, Australia (her ultimate travel destination).
She’s prone to falling down stairs and bruising easily. She’s been doing a lot of both since her childhood.
She loves cake more than oxygen but not the chocolate kind. In fact, she doesn’t like chocolate anything, except dark chocolate bars (preferably with red wine).
On her eighth birthday, her mother bought her a yellow dress which she wore every day for three weeks.
Two months later her father was deported from Cuba for being against Castro's regime and her mother decided leaving the country was in Annah’s best interest. Annah wore that yellow dress to the airport, even if it already had three holes in it and the flight to San Francisco was a long, uncomfortable one to endure in satin and tulle.

At the age of ten, Annah’s parents left San Francisco for a more “Cuban lifestyle” in Miami. It was then she met Olivia, Lola, Penelope and Britt. Seventeen years later they're still best friends.

Annah suffers from hereditary stinky feet syndrome. She blames it on her father 100%.
Like every other Latin family, Annah’s parents wanted to celebrate her fifteenth birthday with a quince party (a formal bash resembling a wedding in which the birthday girl wears a big poofy dress and has thirty of her closest friends do choreographed waltz dancing in front of two hundred guests who complain about the food and talk shit about each other and the birthday girl, too). Annah said, “Fuck no” and her parents said “Fine”, but made her take the mandatory quince pictures and wear the stupid poofy dress as well.
 
Annah’s parents asked how she'd like to celebrate, since the quinces were obviously not happening. Annah said “A trip with Olivia to the Virgin Islands” and figured her parents would laugh and tell her to fuck off. They didn’t.
After that Annah became enamored with all things travel and has since taken flight one too many times.

In her late teen years, Annah had a tragic celebrity crush on Ricky Martin (even if her gay best friend Marcus insisted that Ricky wasn’t interested in women). She also had a huge crush on that guy from Chasing Papi that no one remembers but just like Ricky, he supposedly didn’t care for the fairer sex.
When she was 17 she decided she wanted to be famous. She interned in Univision, certain she’d become a newscaster or reporter a lá Diane Sawyer. At the insistence of her mother she eventually caved and changed her major to psychology. The degree has only served one purpose so far (ass wiping) but seeing that Charmin is a lot softer, it just sits in a drawer collecting dust while leading its useless life as Annah rots in unemployment hell and clings to dreams of famosity and days gone by.
When she turned eighteen, Annah eventually met one of her celebrity crushes.
She decided he was too pretty for her taste after all and that maybe, just maybe, Marcus was right.

Since she couldn’t have Ricky Martin, she decided her high school boyfriend would at least look like him. His name was Joey and he was a nice guy. Annah’s pretty sure he wasn’t gay either, which is always a plus.
After a string of failed relationships, Annah met Vin and four months later they were engaged.
Annah’s mom said she wasn’t ready for marriage so Annah felt compelled to prove her wrong. A few years later things fell apart. Partly Vin's fault, partly Annah's. Mostly bad timing, she thinks.

Vin is currently in a happy relationship with a beautiful girl. Annah is currently in a happy relationship with herself.

She lives in this apartment:
With these trouble makers:
There’s probably a lot more you should know about Annah but in order to do so you have to read her blog. It’s pretty clear she doesn’t take herself too seriously and neither should you because she’d hate to cause you an aneurysm or heart attack since she's got no money to pay for groceries, much less anyone's hospital bills.

If you still want to know more you can go here or here. Annah can be contacted at annahbanana@rocketmail.com and will answer any question your little heart desires, long as she knows the answer.

She still loves cake and Ricky Martin and as pathetic as it may sound, still clings to hopes of attaining famosity.
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But that's where you come in, darling...

64 comments:

DanWins said...

OK, Break out that girly Diary. It is time to compare the two. How closely did you spill the beans or did you just give us a sniff of what was brewing in the Pot?

Love Ya Girlo and glad you found homes for the Pups.

Mynx said...

You share the same birthday as my son. Saggitarians are such beautiful people and like him, you make me smile everytime I read your posts.

Smart Ass Sara said...

Girl- you stole my thunder. I have a post of the same thing in my drafts waiting for me to scan pictures. If I didn't love you so I'd sabotage. ;)

Celeste said...

I will KILL your mother for making you take psychology... I tell people.. DONT DO IT!!!

Oh well... oye I know you are going to be famous and all but follow my blog loca!

Love you!

Corianda said...

Annah Annah Annah. I studied Philosophy and whilst I loved the hemlock out of it, other than being able to teach it, it has served me no practical purpose yet. But I heart it anyhoo.
In lieu of Spain come to Australia and visit me !

Kandia said...

LOL...I love psychology but I agree there's not much you can do with the degree unless you want to be a counselor or something along those lines.

Britt said...

OMG amiga! Those pictures are just too cute! Love the stinky feet and pepe drawing! One good thing about communism is that your dad was against it and made the best choice ever to bring you here. My life would not have been the same without you in it. I love you my crazy soon to be famous vampire ninja! : )

The Ranters Box said...

You are well on your way to famosity my dear! Being unemployed sucks (speaking from 1st hand experience) but when you can do something well and enjoy doing it - despite trying times - you are in touch with your true purpose. So go be fantabulously famous Anna. We love you girl!!!

Steve G. said...

Woohoo, I got a shout-out! I'll have to put this in my Scrapbook of the Heart, along with my Superman underwear, my Robocop pajamas and my first condom.

slushygirl said...

My Eli suffers from stinky feet syndrome (or is it us that suffers?) but I cannot locate the stinky feet gene in our family. I've checked...not me.

Sadick said...

Hilarious... So, stinky feet, love for Ricky Martin, cake and dogs.. Got it.. Stinky feet? Really?? LOL

p-i-a said...

i think you're well on your way to famosity. =)

~Al~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mei said...

Are you going to your 10 year reunion? I skipped mine as it was "family friendly" and I hate childrens...

Annah said...

I'm replying from my phone and will go to the library tomorrow to reply better and longer to everyone BUT Mei: yes! Absolutely. It's going to be a four day thing. Homecoming game Thursday, happy hour Friday, Gala thing Saturday (same place as our prom... Hmmm maybe I should call Joey or take Ricky Martin) and then Sunday family picnic. I'm doing all except Sunday, as my only children are the furry kind and I don't think they're welcome. . .

JoJo said...

Love your bio!

Inspire said...

Your bio is very creative and interesting. I have a degree in Psychology also

Lola said...

Baby LOVE the pics!! Ha ha ha!! What is the deal with everyone pointing out our ages lately? Britt posted on FB that we knew someone for 2 decades, you just said 17 years... Damn...

I love you babe!!!!!!!

WrenRennard said...

Woo hoo go the Sagittarians!!
Its great you want to visit Australia...Sydney is great...BUT, Melbourne is HEAPS better :):):) You should come here too.
Love the bio!

Sono Eliane Anderson-Kei said...

You, Annah, are truly a champion of the internet.

c.honna said...

Where to Begin !!!

Those baby pics are sooo cute !!
I love the Umbrella pic- I have one just like it too(we are so alike -=0) except mine is twice as big as me- LOL

So glad you decided for us to go to the Virgin Islands instead of having some stupid ass quinces which by the way you are so right about!!

We had a blast on that vaca,(was a lil nervous as i read though, thought you were gonna put that pic of me on top of the donkey) LOL

rem how we used to order drinks and then play basketball hoops with the receipts jajajajaj

OMG- so Yadira just saw Eduardo Verastigui in Panama

OH YEAH PS
Ive forgotten to tell you- We are going to Australia with some chicas from NYC- in Feb.
so - ponte pa eso!!!

brett said...

i was sleepy and about to pass out but reading your post made my chuckle myself awake.

now i need to go find some warm milk :-(

Amanda said...

I loved the guy from Chasing Papi. Hot!

Oh and I'm going to Sydney AUS last week of october and first week of November. I'll hide a koala in my travel companion's suitcase to bring back to you. That way, if caught, customs takes him instead of me. I'm too important to be detained by customs.

fizzee rascal said...

Sydney's your ultimate holiday spot? boy are you in for a disappointment.

Charles said...

ay mija. Why didn't you want a quincinera? They are the best. I love any culture that turns their hot, golden brown skinned angels out to the men at age fifteen.

Also: ay un otro opcion.Puedes hacer "pages". Click "new post" then on one of the bars near the top there's a button that says "edit pages". in there you can make "pages" which are like posts but you can separately link them and you never have to post them as an actual post.

esta bien?

http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com

Odie Langley said...

Annah I was soooooooo entertained by your awesome blog this morning. I don't seriously know how anyone could top this one girl. The pictures of you growing up were absolutely wonderful and I bet you will have a blast at that reunion. My guess is that you will be the life of that reunion and will be remembered for a long time. Your "Famosity" has arrived I think and as another put it, you are champion of the internet. You keep us on the edge of our seat waiting for the next one to appear. Have a great day Annah and know you are loved by your audience a lot.

DarrenK said...

Awesome, as always :0)

Ms. C. said...

Take me to Spain with you....THAT is my ultimate destination. I fit easily into most carry-on luggage. (SIDE NOTE: How ridiculous that through that entire post I totally clung to the fact that your mother wants to send you to Spain?)

Display Name said...

Great! (intsie was my catphckaptcay for this post)

Xylina Myia said...

I loved this post. It was really funny and I totally see where you are coming from with the Quince dress/party. I opted out of it to, instead I wanted a laptop and a party where we didn't have to dress in those horrendous dresses. My degree is just sitting in some folder in my bedroom at my dad's house doing nothing. I went for Anthropology and my mom wanted me to take psychology to but I switched! Anyways I love your post, so sorry about the internet cables!

SuzRocks said...

I also love koalas. My parents gave me a stuffed Koala bear when I was 5. I slept with it for the next 20 years. It is a little worse for the wear. And after 24 years together, still goes by the name of "Koala".

SumSum said...

Your ex, Vin has a beautiful smile but I am more intrigued with the head scarf biker in the background...

Kendahl, Stepmom Extraordinaire said...

We are too similar, I've decided. I freaking love me some cupcakes, as long as it's anything but chocolate.

And my dream vacation is totally Sydney, so I can play with the koalas and see a million kangaroos. There is a kangaroo that lives around the corner from me and he is so soft and cuddly I want to kidnap him and call him "Fluffy" or "Timmy" and keep him forever.

I'm glad you found a home for the puppies, even if they were cute little demons, and shame on them for chewing through your cable. Don't they know we need you? I'd send you one if I had one. Or if I even knew what they are.

Amber said...

When I am leader of the free world, I will be sure to make you famous my dear.

Oh, and I would kill George Bush for a trip to Target. That asshat deserves it.

French Bean & Coffee Bean said...

Eh. I'm an English major (with a minor in French). So far, that's not doing much for me. I feel your pain.

-French Bean

Shadou said...

Yay! Another great post to read!
I think we all had that one article of clothing we wore every day for a while. It's some weird phase you go through. For me, it was shoes. My first pair of converse. I never took them off!

And you were such a cute baby! You seem to have lost it... T.T Haha, I tease, I tease. You look beautiful in your quince birthday photo, by the way!

Can't wait for the next post. :)

LissMami said...

You mean you're not famous??? I beg to differ. Great bio...you were such a cutie! Hey, don't feel bad about the psyche degree. I think most degrees sit in drawers and collect dust. Honestly, college life is the real experience. Eff the piece of paper! Most people major in fun, freedom, fearlessness, and probably heartbreak of some sort. Love your blog!!!

pinaBBY said...

I'm thinking that you should write a book. You're absolutely hilarious, and I will most definately buy it (and help spread the word to help you achieve your famosity).
Every single one of your blogs that I have read managed to put a smile on my face and make me laugh, so I can only imagine what an entire book would be like!
Love it!! :)

Lacie said...

Go to Spain! Think how many great stories you'll have to tell us then. Btw, I got a psych degree too. And now I'm a flight attendant. I'm pretty sure they didn't even care if I had graduated from high school. So much studying for nothing...

tabitha jane said...

totally skipped my ten year reunion . . . the only person who i would have wanted to see didn't go either, so there's that.

Tuesdai Noelle said...

Morning,
LOVED this! Oowww the honesty and humor of it all.....you gotta love it :) And speaking of ten year reunions???? Most of my HS classmates are located within my facebook page, if they even THINK about calling me asking am I going - im going to find a way to place spam in all of their system hehe.....there's not a chance I'm going!

Annah said...

You guys are so not going to believe what I just went through to get internet. ANYHOW, between the help of my friend Dustin and some red wine I fixed it so here I am answering to all your comments. This should probably be a post considering how long it'll be.

Dan: There's absolutely no way I can compact all my madness into one post, or all my secrets... but one thing I can assure you, I'm always honest.

Mynx: Thanks babe! I don't really believe in "horoscopes" but I do believe in Zodiac traits and I am a full blown Saggi.

Sara: Sorry? lol. I'll help you with your post.

Celeste: Is that going to be the baby name? And I'm following now.

Corianda: As I told you on Twitter, don't tempt me or I will show up at your doorstep.

Kandia: I just wish someone would've warned me ahead of time. I hate school. I don't VANT TO GO BACK FOR MY MASTERS! lol

Britt: I love you too, my little pooteeners.

Ranters: From your mouth to God's ears.

Steve: Of course my horse! You're not one only of my funniest commenters, but you doubted me when I told you a childhood secret! Hmmmph!

Slushy: I laughed at "I checked, not me."

Pia: Maybe... I like to think so... especially when I'm drinking. Like right now.

JoJo and Inspire: Gratzie. My best friends have warned me "NO MORE POSTS ABOUT YOU" and I'm all "I thought this was MY blog" but I think I will lay off the "about me" for a minute. I just have to get the FAQ's out and then I'm done. I promish!

Lola: We're old dude, no sense in denying it.

Wren Rennard: If I go ALL THE WAY OVER THERE then trust, I'm going to get in a kangaroo and hop all over the place and kiss every beautiful Australian guy my lips can reach.

Sono: I've missed you and your brownies around here. I'm no champion... YET.

Honna Bonana... I'm in like Flynn and there like a bear. God I'm corny (and tipsy).

Brett: THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. You're my rock star.

Amanda: He is delish, oh my. And yes bring him! But you're more important. Want to know why? You can read, you can comment, you've got prettier hair, and you're awesome, so there. (THAT RHYMED!)

Fizzie: Don't rain on my parade.... I've been around (the globe) and Australia is my ultimate destination... Don't know why, but it's always been.

Charles: Mijo, you crack me up. My little Twitter serial killer.

Annah said...

Reply to comments Part II.

Odie: Booboo you're making me blush with all the nice things you always comment. *happy dance* I can't say it's not going to get a little crazier around here, because it is. So I hope you're ready.

Darren: Big kiss *muah* and a forehead lick too.

Ms. C: You changed your picture! I likie. I've been to Spain seven times. I love it there. I've always said that when I'm married I'm going to live in Madrid and have beautiful dark haired children and go to church on Sundays and drink red wine (like I am now) and dance flamenco and wear beautiful flouncy skirts and sky high heels and sleep the siesta. Dreaming is my forte.

Xylina: Laptops are SO much more imporant than poofy dresses. Seriously.

SuzRocks: I gave my very last stuffed animals to my goddaughter for her birthday. It felt a little strange to let go of my last tie to childhood, but she seemed more than happy to take it from me.

SumSum: He is the gayest man alive.

Kendahl: So then we'll go to Sydney together and you pick a fight with that husband of yours.

Amber: Then I'll be famous soon because you're already president.

French Bean: So what're you doing now?

Shadou: I think I was way cuter as a baby than I am now. Being forty pounds over weight doesn't go over as well when you're an adult. :) Ha!

LissMami: I talk a lot of crap about my degree but I did enjoy the process of learning about it. I think psychology is an aspect of every day life and something you can apply to pretty much everything. So ... I still love my little dust collector, sometimes.

Pina: The book has been written. It's called Red Means Go. No agent wanted to represent it. It had too many stories of sex :( Oh well.

Lacie: It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice so off I go.

Tabitha: You sound so much like Penelope ... Now that the reunion is official she's always saying "I already hang out with everyone from high school I care about, what's the POINT of it?" I think it will make for a great Chronicles of a Miami Weekend post.

Okay... I think I covered everyone! WOW.

ps. I love you guys.

pps. I've been drinking.

ppps. I haven't packed anything. Not even underwear for Thursday's trip.

pppps. Tomorrow's post was about my short lived stint in the porn industry but now I have to blog about something else.

ppppps. I will blog about porn as soon as I arrive to Spain and emerge from the red wine pool my cousin will have brewing for me.

pppppps. Forgive all my misspellings. Kissies.

Mallory.Danger said...

Haha I love that first photo, it's adorable! Come to Australia :) You'd have to go to a zoo to see a koala though, coz I was born here and am yet to see one just chillin' out in the trees :/

Don said...

Annah here I am riding bring up the rear with my cavalry. Gal, I think you’ll have it made in the shade if you go to Australia. You would have some great hostesses like Mynx and at least a couple of other Aussie ladies who have posted comments here to show you around and line you up with some hot “Down Under (no double entendre intended) Dudes”.

PinkLimerick said...

My best friend has her bachelors in Psychology too and said it was worthless to just get a degree in Psychology so she is getting her Masters in Social Work.

I hope you achieve your dreams of being famous one day! You are quite famous on blogger. I love your pictures the ones of you and the cake cracked me up! Good stuff.

Jennifer Juniper said...

How can you not like chocolate?? Are you sure that you're alright??

Mr. Condescending said...

I'm a sucker for "about me's" in timeline format.

I have to say that my favorite was the poofy dress! Your facial expression is hilarious!

Arlen said...

cute. funny. and how can you not like chocolate?!?!?! ten lbs? jeezus...your mom is a saint! or something alien....lol

annette said...

I Love it!!! I'm so happy that you're being yourself and sharing with the whole world...lord knows we can use the smiles you give, I know you're gonna be famous one day. Do It girl!!! Espress yourself!!!!!! and most important DON'T GIVE UP!! EVER!!!!

Dugaldo said...

My high school reunion is in two weeks and I'm not famous yet either.

Tabitha said...

Oh your blog is utterly hilarious! You have the colouring I wish I was born with and your funnier than me - trying not to hate you.

G said...

You posted on my blog the following: "I don't know if anyone cares or if they don't. Blogging is HARD. Especially if you're trying to make a living out of it. I guess you did stop since this was posted years go, huh?"

Blogging is indeed hard, but I did not stop, instead I moved to another site. Feel free to check it out. I look forward to reading yours. Cheers.

Picosita said...

We have the same birthday!

Amanda Lomax said...

Hi Annah! I am friends with Lacie and she introduced me to you....nice to meet you! I love that your dog is Baddog! heheheheheheh

Junie said...

I really love your style, and not just the profile - the you in your pictures

BAMgator said...

I am glad that I now know what has transpired since I last saw you...
-Brian Mora

Synne Larsen said...

This is the best profile I have ever read! Funny and very informative, and I suck at giving compliments but I really just want to say that this is so good. Great. The best.

lil desiqua said...

Hi Annah! I found you via Simple Dude in a Complex World. Awesome bio! Random- we have the same birthday, degree, and burning desire to go to Sydney! Though I don't understand your un-love of chocolate. Oh well, you're still kinda awesome and your blog makes me laugh- cheers!

Kimberly Marie said...

You have an interesting blog. I like it.

Brenna said...

I'm hanging in there for that famosity too! Nice work on your blog! (came here from thebloggess.com)

Anonymous said...

I absolutely love how you completely and utterly fail at trying to imitate Hyperbole and a Half. Be original. Your blog will suck less.

Dante Has Nothing On Me said...

I found your blog today and can't help but laugh at how much we have in common.

I, too am a Sag, love to travel, learn and party and live in Miami.

I love reading your blog and hope to see you out partying one day! We'll get shots. LOL

Anna H. said...

you know what's funny? My Mom wanted to call me Maria, too and my Dad said "hell, no" and so they called me Anna...