Random Tuesday night. I' m having a glass of wine over at my friend Amy’s place when she proudly announces, “I joined a dating site!”Oh, did you now? I thought, confusion spreading slowly through my weary but still very curious brain.
You see, Amy is a beautiful girl. And I'm not just saying beautiful-because-she's-my-friend-girl, I'm saying beautiful-as-in-just gorgeous-with-a-good-head-on-her-shoulders girl. If she needs to go on ______.com to meet people, then I'm just scared. Is this the wave of the future? And so I felt compelled to ask.
Me: Why the hell are you doing that again? (raised eyebrow)
Amy: Why do people join any dating site? They wanna fuck outside their circle. Duh!
Me: (mouth open, speechless).
Amy: Just kidding geez. I want to meet new people Annah. It’s a tough and scary world out there.
Me: Dude, this is Miami. There are literally hoards and hoards of single, available and fabulous men out there for the picking.
Amy: Please pass the weed you were smoking to me right now.
Me: I’m serious. You don’t need to go online to meet men! Who does that.
Amy: EVERYONE DOES THAT. Two out of five relationships start from online dating. Those are the statistics buddy. We’re in a new world, and I want in on the action. Sides shut up, you’re single.
Me: Well just make sure you run background checks on these people before meeting them! There are serial killers out there. They’re everywhere waiting to attack
Amy: (rolls her eyes). You’re the only person in the world who thinks everyone’s a serial killer girl. No worries, I’ll be careful. Sides… you’re going to be my wingman on every first date so I’m not worried.
Me: Great, so I get to be chopped up by some online predator and thrown in some random Miami canal for gators to devour me, AND I don’t even get to meet any guys. I call bullshit.
Amy: I’m sure they’ll have cute friends.
Me: Ummmm…. Yeah. Anyhow, have you met anyone interesting?
Amy: Not really I just started. It’s $20 a month so it’s not like it’s super expensive. If I don’t meet anyone it’s not like I broke the bank or anything.
Me: So it’s kind of like, one of these “Sponsor a Child Programs”?
Amy: Eh? What do you mean?
Me: Like, “For the cost of a cup of coffee a day, you too can make a difference in this person’s life.” In this case, you’re making your own difference. Being proactive about the whole thing.
Amy: Um, yeah, I guess. (gives me a weird look that says, “Why are we friends again?) Maybe you should put a button on your blog so that people donate to you and then you can join ______.com too! (serious as a heart attack face).
Me: Sure! That sounds like such a great idea. NOT. So... show me the studs! I want to see!
Amy: (Glowing like a mega-watt light bulb just out of it's container, pulls out her laptop and shows me the following pictures. Now don’t you worry, Amy has assured me that this is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s plenty o’ hot studs to go around on the fabulous world of online dating. These are just the few that she showed me that night.)
BACHELOR# 1 – The I-purse-my-lips-in-pictures-because-it-makes-me-look-sexy guy.
BACHELOR#3 – The I’m-so-hot-I-can’t-resist-taking-bathroom-pictures-of-myself-with-my-cell-phone guy.
BACHELOR#4 – The I’m-way-too-cool-to-be-on-______.com-but-I’ll-still-take-a-picture-of-myself-doing-the-double-peace-sign-because-I’m-God’s-gift-to-women guy. You're welcome.
BACHELOR #5 – The I-like-to-wear-shorts-with-pink-stars-and-rubber-duckies guy. I gotta say I do love his bold fashion sense. He's like, “Bitch, I will wear the shit out of these shorts! There’s nothing you can do about it!”
BACHELOR #6 – The I-like-to-ride-a-wooden-bicycle-around-town-because-it-saves-gas guy. This dude's description read, "I like me a woman who understands that rum is the nectar of the gods and one day I will be the Mayor of Tahiti, ya savvy?" Oh wooden bicycle man, I love you. I really do.
BACHELOR #7 – The I-like-candlelight-dinners-and-long-walks-on-the-beach guy.
BACHELOR #8 – Well, he really doesn’t need an introduction. He’s just that awesome.
In essence, I think I'm now a convert and will be joining _______.com very very soon! I mean, how could I possibly resist the array of suitors out there, all ripe for the picking if you know what I mean.I can’t. I simply just can’t.
p.s. I don't really have anything against online dating, but if you're gonna put yourself out there, it'd be nice to put your BEST self out there. These pictures above? Horrible.
p.p.s. Yes, I do think everyone is a serial killer so no, ________.com would not work out for me.
p.p.p.s. This picture was taken by one of the lovely bachelors above and as corny as it sounds. I found it pretty darling.
Seeeeee? I have a soft side too.
24 comments:
funny! and yes you would think every guy is a serial killer.
hmmmm you think Jake does online dating?!?!?
Yes Leeners.... Online dating for the elite :) Now go stalk
I really like the "take it while it's hot" guy!! Lmfao!! Oh come on Annah you know he is completely irrisistable!!
Honey..... He had a cute six pack. No one can take that from him.
Honestly, if a guy looks all ripped like that, you know they're spending way too much time looking at themselves in the mirror. They would be horrible boyfriends.
I'm just sayin.
Also, thanks for stopping by my site! I didn't take the pictures of the laundry; my sister did. But I did hang it out myself. Does that count for something?
Wendy! Of course it counts girl. Work it! :)
Oh.My.Hell. Some of those people on there must be smokin some serious crack, but you know what? There definitely are some "gooders" out there. My flower giving guy (who just brought me roses again for the 3rd time) was met online. At least it was free to find him. ;)
Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog, Annah! Yes, my cat is gorgeous, and he knows it!
BTW, I met my husband through an online dating site. We've been married 6 years.
Oh, how did you find Stuff and Nonsense?
Well then I guess there is hope ladies :)
Marlyn, through the bloggess. Love her.
serial killers, all of them. honestly, i have nothing against these sites and know many people who hooked up this way, but i always needed to feel an in-person chemistry. that's the true test. def not that stained glass window banana hammock on the last dude.
Patty you have me cracking up. Serial killers. All of them! hahahhahaha. Oh my.
Hey! This was probably the best rundown on online dating I've ever read! Thanks for stopping by H&B :)
Dude! You're totally (not a dude) not the only one who thinks everyone out there is a serial killer. I think that, no joke. But I think it's because I watch to many shows like Criminal Minds, CSI and The Closer. lol
As for this online dating thing, it must be the new way to meet people because i regularly go on craigslist and there are tons of guys posting personal add up there "looking for love".
And almost every single one of them resembles the photos you've shown. And I laugh...at every single post.
Reading and commenting on peoples blogs is ten times more fun, interesting, and rewarding than bothering with dating services.
Trust me ;)
-Tony
LC... It's been a few weeks since this happened and I actually have already been a wingman to a blind _______.com date (more on that later) and it was actually pretty interesting. I still think the whole thing is weird/scary. But I'm content to be on the sidelines just watching the action. It's been "interesting" to say the least.
Rebekah: Dude! :) They're all serial killers. All of them. Including me. Takes one to know one.
Tony: I agree. 100,000,000% Have a beautiful Memorial weekend :)
I don’t know what Amy gets for $20 per month, but there’s a pretty good site at mingle2.com where you can meet all sorts of folks without paying a penny. It’s not strictly a dating site, but quite a number of people are available for dates and more there.
I met my husband in a newspaper personals ad. That's how old we are. :)
I bet you there weren't that many weirdos in the newspaper ad world. :)
Oh boy, I've experienced this myself because my mom is now on Eharmony.com looking for her "Prince Charming"...Let me just say that in all the age categories, men are the same!
They think their tactics work, maybe if the last guy had a roll of hundreds on his c*ck ;-). That may catch my eye a little faster hahaha.
Amen gurl! :) You're funny!
So funny. FYI, he stole that picture. I use the free sites. lol. Paid once and it wasn't worth the money.
Thanks for showing me this blog. lol
Yeah , my mum met her boyfriend on a dating site .
And two years later I'm still fairly convinced he is a serial killer . Good to know I'm not the ONLY paranoid one out there :)
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